I was in Grade 7, and was by 13-year-old standards, overweight. Today, I would KILL to be that weight, but I digress. I was walking down the hall at school and had to walk right by a group of grade 9 boys to get to my locker. When I walked by, one of them said words that I’ll never forget. “We should invite her to try out for the high school football team. She’d be a good blocker”. I remember his name, and can still see exactly where I was standing when he said it. Did it really affect me at the time, not really. Do I still carry it around like stinky old baggage? Unfortunately and obviously, that’s a big ol’ yes.
Why do I do this to myself? I KNOW my worth. I KNOW that I’m a good person. I KNOW that I am better than the words spoken over me. I KNOW ALL OF THAT. But, I’m still the girl who was teased in school. The girl who just wasn’t quite good enough because of what I looked like. Why doesn’t that just go away?
You know what it’s like when your head knows something but you don’t quite feel it? When you see pictures of yourself and you can’t believe what you’re seeing when that so isn’t what you see in the mirror? It’s the moment when you know that you’re no longer hungry, but you keep on eating. When you want to just slap yourself upside the head for being such an idiot, and not doing what you already know how to do? When you’re really not happy with how things are, but you’ve gotten so used to them being that way, that you can’t see a way out? These are the things that seem to control me and I’m guessing that they control a lot of you as well. These are the same things that are holding us down and keeping us from where we need to be going. They are the bags that I wish got lost at the airport but instead, I keep bringing them home.
I’m still overweight. I still look different from the majority of the people around me. I STILL get judged based on my looks. I am SO over it. Your words no longer have any power over me. Your stupid comments are solely based on the fact that you’re not intelligent enough to come up with something more witty to say when I walk by. You, my “friend” are the one that has a problem, so suck on it.
Take note people. Today is the day that I start ACCEPTING what I already know is true. I am Beautiful.
And now, we celebrate that with a song. So, who’s joining me in saying Good-Bye to their baggage? Welcome aboard the Beautiful Train…there’s room for everyone. 🙂
This post was Day 4 of the 31 Day Summer Blogging Challenge ~ Please read what my BEAUTIFUL friends are writing about too!