You get mad. You get frustrated. You scream. You give totally unreasonable punishments. You promise to do things that you would never even considering doing. You slam your door and pout in your bedroom. You pay people to sit at your house so you can escape it. You do everything possible to not come straight home after a meeting.
Does any of this sound familiar? You must be a Mom.
You are going to make mistakes and screw up more times then you’ll ever be able to count. You’re going to make decisions and immediately question or regret them. You’re going to try too hard or not try hard enough. You’re always going to look back and wonder if you should’ve done things differently. Stop it.
I can remember one evening when my daughter was about 4 years old. I had put her to bed about 14 times, and it was now 11pm. On my 15th trip to her bedroom door, I lost my mind. I was screaming, and mad and quite possibly foaming at the mouth. I’m pretty sure I made horrible threats. I’m quite certain that I really scared her. The second I left the room, I was overcome with guilt and I started crying, and basically lost it all over again. Once I was calm, I went into her room, picked her up, apologized and held her until she went to sleep. I can remember thinking that I had scarred her for life. How in the world did I get that mad at someone so little? What had I done?
I asked her today if she remembered that, and she said No. She actually found that really amusing and wanted all the details of what she had to done to make me that mad??? Point is, I screwed up terribly, I apologized and we moved on. Was I a bad Mom? No. I was a tired Mom at the end of my rope, still desperately in love with my child, but worn down. It’s normal and she doesn’t even remember it.
No one is expecting you to be a perfect Mom. Not the people around you and not even your kids. It’s something that we put on ourselves, and it’s stupid. Stop getting caught up in what you see going on with other Mom’s around you. If everything about them looks perfect, if they only speak of how perfect their children are, if they spend hours telling elaborate stories of their greatness … they’re lying. It’s pretty hard to copy something that’s not even real, so quit trying.
Your kids are going to forget all of your little mistakes. They’re not going to remember all of the times that Mommy got mad or raised her voice. (Unless of course you’re screaming and freaking out every moment of the day. If so, get help. Seriously). When you mess up, apologize. Explain why you got upset, ask for forgiveness and move on. Those moments will be what they remember and frankly will teach them lessons that you couldn’t teach any other way.
If you need to work outside of the home. If you can’t afford the same toys or trips that your friends can. If your kids wear hand-me-downs. Who cares?
If you need to just run away by yourself to breathe somewhere. If you need to lock yourself in your room. If you choose a nap over reading another story. Don’t stress.
I make my children leave me alone sometimes, and I’m a much better person for it. I don’t say Yes to every request that they make, and somehow they’ve managed to survive. I’ve sent them on sleepovers at other people’s houses just so I could sleep in. I’ve let them eat nothing but cookies and pop for lunch so I could sit outside in peace and quiet, alone. All of these “breaks” have made me a better Mom and kept my children alive another day. (Be honest, we’ve all had “those” days).
You need to figure out what works best for you and your family, accept it and live it. No guilt needed. And if you’re still feeling like a not so great Mom … read this and enjoy all of my mistakes. You are SO not alone in this journey of fun.
I leave you with this thought.
Just kidding. Kinda. 🙂
This post is Day 9 of the Summer Blog Challenge – 31 posts in 31 Days
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Zita at The Dulock Diaries.