Raising other peoples children always makes for interesting conversations. More often than not, it’s a bad interesting and not good at all. Sometimes I hear happy, fun stories and they’re awesome but they’re few and far between.
Some of the stories sound like they’re exactly that, stories. There is no way that they can actually be real, there just can’t be. But then I learn that they’re true.
Many times I want to throw-up, or scream or hit someone or just cry and cry. But I can’t, instead I just sit and listen quietly and try to digest what I’m hearing. I try and figure out ways to help them see that their stories aren’t normal and that life can be so much better.
They speak of hopes and dreams and what they want to become. It breaks my heart to hear that their
“dreams” are things that you and I take for granted. Food, shelter, new shoes. Or that Daddy will be out of jail soon.
It’s hard to do any future planning when you don’t know what their future holds. Especially when they’re begging to live with you for always, as long as they can just visit their Mom every now and then. And knowing full well, that they will be going home again.
I wish I could find the words to empower them for when they’re no longer with me. But it’s hard to teach right from wrong when to do so would mean that you’re saying that their Mom is wrong. But how do I say it’s not okay that Mommy locks you up, without actually saying that? How do I say that it’s never okay to choke someone when they say that was Daddy’s favourite game? How do I teach them that it’s a parent’s job to take care of their children when they answer with “that’s not how it works in my house”. How do I help them feel comfortable in my world, when it’s completely opposite to all they know?
It’s been 14 years of trying to find the right words, and I still feel like I haven’t found them.
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