20 years ago, I married my best friend. I have not always liked him, and I can’t say that I’ve always fully understood him, but I’ve always loved him. In fact, I love him more today than I did on our wedding day, and for that I’m thankful. I am a very blessed woman to be able to say that I am married to this man. Happy Anniversary to us but now on to my story.
I haven’t been writing about my weight loss a whole lot lately, and not because I’ve quit or that I’m gaining or anything like that, but because I’ve stopped thinking about it. I’m no longer obsessing, freaking out, worrying or beating myself up. And it’s awesome. I can officially say that my weight no longer controls me. I’m still overweight, and have a long ways to go, but that’s okay.
I re-started this journey on January 1st of this year, and I’ve gone up and down, lost and gained but have now found a nice rhythm. My pace is slow and steady, but it is steady. If I have a bad day, or eat something I know I shouldn’t, it’s only a bad choice. It’s not a bad day, or a bad week, it’s just a bad choice. I’m actually now able to choose to start again immediately, and that’s a really cool thing. I’m eating with purpose instead of eating for something to do. I am finally free.
I’ve lost almost 4 sizes, 40 plus inches and as of this morning, 60 pounds. I meant to celebrate at 50 pounds, but I forgot. So now, we’re having a 60 pound send-off celebration. It’s hard to imagine what 60 lbs looks like, as I still don’t really see a whole lot of change when I look at myself. But when I look at this, I get it. That’s a whole lot of me that just isn’t attached any more and so I say ….. Good Riddance and Good-Bye. Good-bye to the old me. The old way of thinking. The old self-deprecating thoughts. The old critical and mean little voice that told me that I would never lose weight, so why bother trying. Good-bye to the Old April and Hello to the new one.
I may still be a fat girl, but I’m in control now and the Fat Ship is sailing away. People are going to have to find something new to tease me about and will need something new to call me. How about Super Wicked Awesome Girl? I’d be okay with that. Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to be known as April.
What a novel idea.