Week 44. Not Reaching My Goal

I’ve had this secret goal in the back of my head ever since I started this journey. I didn’t tell anyone but it was there. At times I’ve thought about it, I’ve hoped that it would happen, and then it turned into a “well that was a stupid idea” anyways kinda thought, and now here we are. I’m 4 weeks from the time limit that I gave myself to achieve it and well, it not going to happen.

My goal was to lose 100 pounds in a year. Unfortunately, unless a squirrel shows up in the middle of the night and chews off chunks of me, it’s about to become a goal that was just a grand idea.

To say that I’m not seriously annoyed with myself right now would be an absolute lie. I should’ve tried harder, I should’ve just done what I was supposed to do all along. I should’ve ate, and slept, and drank water and put myself first. My list of should’ve, could’ve would’ves is actually pretty long and it’s quite shameful. Without question, I should have reached this goal, and I need to own that.

So I am.

What I’m also not doing, is staying hung up in my crap and nonsense. I can’t. I’ve wasted enough time doing a half decent job and pretending like it was good enough. My brain convinced me that I was working hard, and being strong, but what I was really doing was just hanging on.

Has it been the best year of my life, and the most focused than I’ve ever been in a really long time? Yes, it most certainly has. Was it good enough? Nope, not by a long shot. So, what now?

Well, I keep going and I keep fighting. I’m journalling, and keeping myself accountability. I’m blogging the good and the bad. I’m being real. I’m acknowledging that I want to keep going, that I’m not done and that I can and will finish what I started.

What I need from you, as my friends and family is to support me in my choices. What that means is that I don’t need you to suggest I switch diet plans. That you don’t point out how well other people are doing on their diets. Don’t tell me to eat more fat, or less carbs, or more meat or less or more of whatever. I’ve chosen the plan that I want to follow, and I will continue following it.

Frankly, without this plan and my coach, I would’ve given up a VERY, VERY long time ago. This plan has kept me functioning and basically going, when I couldn’t do that for myself. This plan doesn’t have a problem, April has had a problem. Plain and simple.

I think the thing that I need to remember for myself and to remind all of you of, is how bad of a state I was in physically when I began this program. I had just stopped bleeding out after 18 long months of torture, I had just finished my 2nd round of iron infusions and blood transfusions and I was suffering from malnutrition. I had to literally drag myself off the couch to even get to the clinic. I was dealing with chronic pain and could hardly even function. I had slammed into peri-menopause and it was trying to kill me. I wasn’t just a fat girl looking to lose weight, I was a girl who was looking for a new lease on life.

And now, I am none of those things. I still have Fibromyalgia, but it doesn’t control me anymore. I have bad pain days, but they’re just parts of days and not weeks. My blood panels actually show that I have vitamins and nutrients in my body. I don’t need to lay on the couch anymore just to recharge. I am 60 pounds lighter. I am not who I was a year ago. And Ideal Protein is what has helped me get to where I am and for that I will forever be thankful.

So, in spite of not achieving my goal, I achieved something much greater.

I am alive. And I am okay.

That is a success story that I can be proud of.

What did this week bring me:

~ I went to bed at or before midnight every night, except once. The first night was really hard as I was WIDE awake at 4 am, but now I’m managing to sleep for almost 7 hours/night. I feel much clearer. (Who knew only getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night wasn’t a good thing for someone trying to be healthy)?  🙂

~ I ate really well and EVERY time I was supposed to.

~ I actually listened to all of my alarms and did what they were telling me to, as opposed to my usual shutting them off and/or pretending like I didn’t hear them. LOL.

~ I lost 1.5 pounds. Slowly but surely right?

 

WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS JOURNEY? The best way to learn more about the Ideal Protein plan  is to register for a free information session. You can find out when the next sessions are on this page.  Anyone attending the info session will earn a voucher for 1/2 the registration fee should you choose to join the program. And if you mention that you learned about them by reading my blog, you will also earn a special welcome bonus. My coach is based out of Sherwood Park at the local Medicine Shoppe pharmacy and he and his team are INCREDIBLE.  You can reach out to the Coaching team here.

 

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