I’ve been struggling to write a blog post for longer than I care to admit, but until I looked right now, I had no idea that it’s been this long.
I’m feeling fairly ashamed. Super Lazy. And a crap tonne of overwhelmed.
This has been a very, very, very long journey and I’m just so very tired of trying.
To get you all caught back up …. my lose weight and get skinny plan has completely sucked. Not a little bit but a whole lotta bit. I’d like to say that something cataclysmic happened so I could at least blame it on that, but of course, no such thing happened. It’s all me. All my doing and about 42 steps backwards.
I’ve managed to gain back 12 pounds that I’d hope I’d said goodbye to forever. I had a set back in the IUD, correct all the bleeding nonsense and had to deal with all of that again. (Sorry, not sorry for the TMI there). I stopped going to bed at a decent hour. I started drinking Diet Pop again. I pretty much found all of my old habits and picked them right back up. I’m so annoying.
In the midst of all that, I’ve been enjoying more pain than I’ve had in quite awhile, and I’m sort of feeling like that may have been the beginning of my undoing. My elbows hurt, my chest aches, my legs are filled with shooting pain and my hands only work properly half the time. My body and mind lost the focus that I had firmly placed on myself and turned it towards pain. Is that what happened? Or can that at least be my excuse for falling backwards?
But now, as per usual, as I read my little diatribe above, I think I may have gained some insight into why I’ve been suffering more than usual. Fibro sucks, but if I’ve learned anything over this past year, it’s that when I’m focused and living a healthy life, I feel better. Much better. And with that realization, my good excuse flies right out the window. Sigh.
This journey is hard. So hard. Not the diet, not the giving up of sugar and all it’s wonderful tastiness, not the stepping on the scale every week or all the ups and downs. It’s the changing of your brain, and actually being able to listen to your heart and mind. Learning when to celebrate, when to hang on and when to let go. It’s being okay with who you are, every step of the way, while still wanting to work on change. It’s about eating and not getting so caught up in all the “I can’t haves” and choosing to have nothing instead. It’s about water and not Diet Coke. It’s not about getting skinny, it’s about living. And living well.
It truly is about losing yourself and finding yourself all at the same time. I’ve always said that, but these past few months have really affirmed my words and are helping me to navigate this journey. I don’t fully understand the transition from overweight and unhealthy to healthy and smaller, but I’m getting there. Slowly but surely, and I’m still going. That’s got to count for something, right?
I’ve been quite disheartened and upset with myself about this blip, but I’ve decided to use a little bit of grace ON ME and to look at all the things that I HAVE accomplished over this past year.
- I bought new pants yesterday and they are 4 sizes smaller than they were last year.
- I can see my feet, which is something skinny folk will never understand. But trust me, it’s a big deal.
- I still weigh 46 pounds less than when I started.
- I’ve learned a lot about myself and many of my food triggers. And that pain really, really messes up my head and my ability to focus.
- I’ve got an amazing support team and a coach that really, truly cares about me, where I’m at and where I’m going. I knew I had good people in my corner, but this year has really helped me find the people who matter most, and which ones want only the best for me. It’s been enlightening to say the least. Who knew a diet could do all that??
- I am NOT on any iron supplements or B shots of any kind. I am officially off the transfusion and infusion train.
- I no longer dream about bread. I am, or should I say, I was so weird.
I’ve had two really good weeks, and feel like I’m finding my way again. My pain goes up and down and so does the scale, but I’m doing more than okay. I’m going to finish this journey because I deserve to feel good all the time. This up and down, happy/sad, healthy/unhealthy nonsense just needs to come to an end.
I’m determined to make that happen.
Yes, I’m still doing Ideal Protein. I’ve still been weighing in weekly and working with my coach to try to push through all of this nonsense. He’s my calm in this storm, and has been the main reason why I haven’t just completely given up and accepted “fat” as my fate. He supports me, even though my journey hasn’t been easy or looked like how many people’s Ideal Protein journey’s look. BUT I know that without this plan and my coach, I wouldn’t be where I am right now and that is super important to remember. Not only for the world, but for me. I cannot do this on my own, time has proven that over and over. I need a village and a plan.
So with that in mind, I’m giving you all permission to help me. Remind me to make good choices. Tell me to blog if I don’t. Encourage me. Point it out if you see my slipping. You’ve all been a big part of my story, and I need all of you to help me get through this. AND if there’s any way that I can encourage you or help you in your journey, please let me know. My joy comes from helping others, and really, who couldn’t use a little bit of joy?
Thank-you for being my people.
WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS JOURNEY? The best way to learn more about the Ideal Protein plan is to register for a free information session. You can find out when the next sessions are on this page. Anyone attending the info session will earn a voucher for 1/2 the registration fee should you choose to join the program. And if you mention that you learned about them by reading my blog, you will also earn a special welcome bonus. My coach is based out of Sherwood Park at the local Medicine Shoppe pharmacy and he and his team are INCREDIBLE. You can reach out to the Coaching team here.