Category Archives: Mom Stuff

The Smirk.

She’s sitting there, looking at me with eyes filled with tears and a smug grin that just will not leave her face. It’s this grin that is almost always my undoing. It’s not the screaming, or yelling or foot stomping, it’s the smirk.

The kicker is that I know it doesn’t actually mean anything, she’s not actually laughing at me or trying to be disrespectful. It’s just what she does when she’s upset and nervous, but I still have a hard time ignoring it.

It truly isn’t her issue, it’s mine. It’s me letting a look control my behaviour and that’s the real problem here. I’m letting the situation best me, and I’m the one losing out.

But that’s the joy of parenting teenagers. Getting past their quirks and tough shells while allowing them the freedom to be their own person. It’s allowing them to have an opinion while still maintaining our role of parent and disciplinarian. It’s figuring out how to be their friend but not their best friend. It’s not getting wrapped up in the eye rolls, the nervous giggles and the ridiculous smirk. It’s about picking your battles and recognizing what really matters and that sometimes, what’s important to you may not actually matter to them at all. AND being okay with that. It’s giving them freedom even though it just about kills you. It’s taking that freedom away when they’ve done something so incredibly stupid that you question how they came from your loins. It’s the moments when you see the worst of you being acted out by your child and realizing that, oh crap, I’m looking in a mirror. It’s hormones, training bras and periods and body hair and angst. And the talk. Oh the talks, why do we have to have so many of them, over and over and over again? Why don’t they just get it the first time? It’s watching them change before your eyes and knowing that they’re struggling and that you just have to watch and hope for the best.

It’s being able to shut your mouth and walk away without saying something you’ll regret. It’s hiding in your bathroom to have a good cry when you’ve reached the end of yourself. It’s sitting on the deck with a glass of wine and thanking your lucky stars that they’ve finally gone to bed. It’s calling your best friend on the phone and congratulating each other for surviving another day with a teenager.  It’s learning to let go of the parent you used to be and allowing yourself to become something completely different. And most importantly, it’s recognizing that it’s okay to be a complete and total failure sometimes and STILL be a good Mom.

And just before you’re about to crash, it’s important to refocus your eyes and look past all the crap and SEE your kids. Really see them. They’re changing and turning into something so amazing. They’re becoming adults with opinions and desires and wants. They’re discovering who they are and who they want to be. They say the most hilarious things and make you almost cry with laughter. They’re dumb and ridiculous but they’re so stinking cool at the same time. They are the best of you and the worst of you. They are so smart and understand things that we never will. They are unique and weird. They are sponges soaking up the world around them, and trying to figure out how to filter what they don’t want. They are determined and vigilant and so very brave. They are yours.

Don’t get so caught up in the crap and nonsense that you miss out on all the good stuff. The good and the bad, it’s all a part of their story, and trust me, you don’t want to miss out on any of it.

Don’t let the smirk do you in.

 

What Mother’s Day Means to Me.

Mothers Day. 

It rolls around every year with super cute memes’, the best handmade cards and the most ridiculous but epic school art class presents. It’s the day that our little angels actually try and act like angels while bringing us breakfast in bed and offering, but not always doing, to clean the kitchen.

Overall, it’s a sweet day filled with hugs, kisses and thank-you’s. It’s a good day.

For me, and the many other Moms to Many like me, it’s also a really, really hard day.

It’s the day that reminds me of all my littles that no longer have their Mommy’s. Of the Mom’s that are missing their babies because of circumstances and bad decisions that you and I could never truly understand. 

It’s a day of tears, broken hearts and memories that fade a little bit more each day.  It’s little faces looking at pictures of the Mama they so desperately love but will never get to see again.

It’s trying to figure out who to give that amazing Mother’s Day gift that was made at school to. Save it for Mom, just in case? Give it to Grandma at an upcoming visit? Or give it to Auntie or Foster Mom that takes care of them now? It’s such a simple thing but the pain & confusion it causes is very deep and very real.

It’s the day when I remember the 30+ faces that have called me Auntie or April or Mom. And the milestones that I’ve shared with children that I did not birth. It’s the first’s and the victories that Mamas long for and then celebrate when they finally arrive. It’s looking into the eyes of children and knowing that their hearts are longing for another time, another place and another face. It’s being okay with being Mom for now. It is joy and pain wrapped up in one Sunday. 

It is the day that reminds me of why I do what I do. Mothers Day is my ‘why’. 

Every kid, everywhere, needs a Mama. They need THEIR Mama but when that’s not possible, we need to step up and fill that space. We can’t all be foster parents, I get that. But we most certainly can take a moment and love someone that so desperately needs it.

This Mother’s Day, be that safe place for someone in your world.

Your Mom would love that. 

    

Happy Birthday Joy

Today was my birthday and I had a great day.

But tonight, my joy showed up in birthday cards from the Wiener 6. Some were funny. Some were dumb and some were sweet. They were filled with drawings of everything from flowers and rainbows to poop emoji’s.

BirthdayCard

As always though, my favourite cards are the ones that are filled with spelling mistakes and words that I’ve never heard spoken before. Words that show me that a connection is happening, and that progress is being made. Words that remind me that though they may not be mine … they still are.

Spelling Mistakes. Moments. And Joy.

Happy Birthday to Me.

 

 

Who knew shorts were Joyful?

As we’ve entered another season, with new kids, it means I need to buy a whole new seasonal wardrobe. Well, today was new shorts day. And what a day it was. 

When I handed one of the littles his new shorts, he smiled the biggest smile & whispered thanks. I sent him off to his room to try them on with instructions to come show me. 5 minutes later, he came running out and asked if I really wanted to see the shorts. He said, ‘you really want to see how good I look’ and when I said yeah, you’re cute – the smile grew even more.

After 15 minutes, the fashion show finally started.  By the 3rd pair, he couldn’t contain his joy anymore and the tears started flowing down his little cheeks. He was literally standing in front of me twirling and crying. Over shorts.

Today’s joy is my reminder that I am making a difference in some little lives and how easy it is to take things for granted. 

Basic necessities of life should not bring that much joy. But they did.

New shorts = Joy. Who knew? 

Joy in Galactic Funk


Are words even really needed? 

Hello, Star Wars the Galactic Funk record. Can you even imagine how great this music even is?

Now to buy a turntable.

Share your joy peeps…what made you smile today?

Daily Joy with a Bestie

It’s no secret that I’m a little bit obsessed with forming the best bestie group ever, and no I’m not a stalker. Rebel Wilson, Melissa McCarthy and Candace Payne still haven’t followed me on Twitter, but I know they feel my love and will one day, make our Quartet of Awesomeness a reality. And again, No, I am not a stalker.

My daily joy came about today while I was doing some online shopping. I’m too dizzy to really stand or drive still, so I’ve had to start shopping from my couch. AND with my US post office box, oh man, my options are unlimited. There are a world of stores for this Canadian girl to explore and conquer. Maybe that’s actually Joy One.

Anyways, I digress…I bought this shirt today. It’s from my bestie Rebel’s clothing line and it’s pretty much the greatest thing ever.

rebel

 

Chubby Girl Hilarious Bestie Gang now has shirts.

What Joyfulness filled your heart today???

Joy in a Smile

Health wise, this day has been beyond craptastic. But today, I witnessed pure joy in the smile of a little and it was awesome.

My little ‘sister’ is graduating from Grade Nine today and it’s the first time that she’s really had to get dolled up for anything. And this afternoon, in my dining room, I got to watch her transformation unfold. 

Over the last week, I’ve taken her for her first set of gel nails and her first spray tan. And today, she experienced her very first beauty makeover. Fake eyelashes and all.

To say that she was over the moon excited about the whole experience, would be a massive understatement.  But when she looked into the mirror to see the final look, it wasn’t excitement that filled her eyes, it was joy, pure joy.

It was a joy that said, I am beautiful. I am confident. I am proud. 

It was an absolute honor to witness her week of firsts and to see her smile at what she saw in the mirror.

Happy Friday Friends. What was your joyful moment today?

A Daily Taste of JOY

Pretty much everyone in the world has heard of Candace Payne and has heard her laugh more times than you can probably even count. You’ve all seen her video, and hopefully all of the follow-up videos and stories that show all the blessings that are coming her way. Just for being HER.

Candace became a little ray of sunshine in a world that, lately, seems to be filled with more darkness and despair. (According to the news anyways). That funny mask, the little snort and the un-containable joy reminded us that joy really is in the simple things. We just need to open our eyes and find them.

I for one fell in love with the Happy Chewbacca. Not because I love Star Wars & laughing & dumb videos, but because I witnessed joy in it’s purest form. It was contagious and it ignited a fire deep within my soul. Anyone that knows me, knows that I’m a pretty happy person, that I love Jesus, that I love laughing and that I, more than anything else in the world, want people to feel loved and accepted. No matter where they’re at, or what they look like, or how bad they’re feeling inside – I want them to have the same joy that Candace felt when she put on that goofy mask.

So – in response to my new best friend Candace’s story,  (Yes, I’ve decided we’re meant to be besties. Along with Melissa McCarthy & Rebel Wilson. Because seriously, how stinking awesome would that be? Chubby, happy and hilarious – we will be epic.) I’m starting my own happy story.

For the next 30 days, I’m going to share a little piece of joy that I’ve found in my world that day. It may be big, it may be tiny, but it will be something that made me stop and appreciate exactly where I was at, at that second.

Hopefully, it will remind you to find the moments in your life that take all the darkness away and just help you feel happiness.

Please feel free to share your joys with all of us as well because frankly, there can never be too much of a joyful thing.

My Daily Joy ….. 

I’ll be the first person to admit that this “joy” will seem pretty lame-o but at 7:00 am, it filled my heart with so much joy that I almost couldn’t contain myself. I went to make school lunches for the 6 and realized that we had no bread. I stood there for a few seconds trying to figure out what random pantry items I could throw in a bag and call lunch, when I remembered. Quiznos4lunch. I went online, ordered them lunch for delivery and then sat myself down on the couch to eat my cup of ice while the little’s ate cereal.

It’s the simple joys people, simple joys.

 

Consumed.

It’s all-consuming, isn’t it?

It does something to you the minute that you find out it’s real. It takes over your soul, your mind and your body. It quickly takes control of your heart with a grasp so tight that it almost takes your breath away. It screams so loudly that it’s hard to hear anything else. It turns you into we.

It makes you a better person, but it makes you so unsure of yourself. It makes you stronger, but it causes you to drop to your knees more often than anything else. It fills you with unspeakable joy, but it’s quite often wrapped in tears. It causes you to beam with pride while you hope that no one notices the bumpy road that got you to that moment. It is everything you ever hoped and wished for, but until this moment, you had no idea what that even meant.

I became a mother, and my world as I knew it completely fell apart.

From the moment of conception, I’ve been consumed by something that’s hard to even describe. It’s a fire that fuels my every thought, my every hope and my every breath. It’s a voice that roars from the core of my being. It’s a force that pushes and pulls me in ways that I could never have prepared myself for. It’s a warmth that fills every empty spot within me. I simply do not exist without them, and that’s the most terrifying yet incredibly wonderful thing ever.

My children changed me.

Because of them, I am a much better version of who I used to be. Because of them, I am braver than I ever dreamed possible. Because of them, I’m learning how to do things I didn’t even know I wanted to learn. Because of them, I’ve experienced true love without strings attached. Because of them, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve screamed, I’ve worried and I’ve accomplished great things. Because of them, I am strong. I am fierce. I am awesome.

Because of them, I found myself.

Motherhood has consumed me. It has not made me weak. It has not made me less than. It has not made me “second”. It has made me who I was meant to be.

  

 

 

Mirror, Mirror

It’s been one of those weeks. Sharing as reminder to myself and you.

More than Okay

Crooked Tooth.

Double Chin.

Messy Hair.

Freckles.

Huge Feet.

Too Fat.

These are the things that I see when I look in the mirror. These are the things that the world sees when they look at me. These are the things that I hate about myself, and sometimes they’re all that I see. But these things are not Me. Or are they?

My crooked tooth has been there my entire life. It is the one tooth that messes up my perfectly straight teeth. It has driven me crazy. FOREVER. But maybe it’s what gives me my super amazing singing voice, and helps me to bellow like an angel. Totally grasping here, obviously.

My Double Chin. Well, that seems to come and go. But it’s most definitely been there more often than it hasn’t. And now as I’m seeing less and less of it every day, it’s freaking me out a…

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