Category Archives: Summer Blog Challenge

Screaming in Silence

Some days I wake up and I’m tired. I’ve had a great sleep and I’m refreshed and ready for the day, but I’m still so very, very tired.

Some days I can’t form a clear thought in my head. I know what I want to say, and I know what I need to do, but I just can’t get my thoughts together.

Some days I catch myself looking at my kids and wondering why in the world I ever thought being a Mom was a good idea.

Some days I try and figure out ways to lock myself out of my house and away from the chaos that seems to thrive inside.

Some days I can’t come up with new answers to the questions that I’ve already answered a million times.

Some days I just want to scream, at the top of my lungs while I jump up and down and stomp my feet. But I never do, I just stand there in silence and leave the screaming inside my head.

Most days I wonder if I’m being the best Mom that I can be? Am I helping my kids become all that they can be? Am I good enough for them?

Being a Mom is tough. It’s also amazing and awesome and wonderful, but it’s still tough.

So often I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and cower from the responsibilities that have been given to me. It is my job to train them in the way that they should go. It is my job to shape their character, teach them morals and give them self-confidence. It is my job to be their example.

I yell at my kids more often than I should. I quite often forget that they’re not adults and put too high of expectations on them. I don’t go to enough of their school and sporting events. I let them eat more junk food than they should. I get mad at them when they don’t do exactly as I say. I give them irrational punishments that I always regret later. I make more mistakes than I ever care to admit.

But then I look into the faces of my babies, and I’m blown away by how incredibly amazing they are. Someway, somehow, I did that. My heart tells me that I’m a good Mom, but my brain quite often tries to convince me otherwise. Why is that?

Why do we as Moms do this to ourselves? Why can’t we just trust our instincts and the decisions that we are making? No one knows you or your family better than YOU, so why isn’t that good enough?

I’m tired. Tired of questioning myself and second guessing everything. I’m tired of fretting and worrying about each and every decision that I make. I’m tired of feeling like there should be more to my journey, and I’m ready to kick all my “tireds” to the curb.

Let’s make a pact. You and me and all the Moms around us. Let’s agree to be true to ourselves first. Let’s honour our families and the choices that we’ve made. Let’s own our mistakes and do better next time. Let’s love ourselves the same way we love our children. Let’s never let doubt convince us that we are worth less than we really are. Let’s trust ourselves. Let’s agree to give up on being perfect and instead work on being content.

So from this moment forward, the ground on which I stand is solid. I KNOW who I am. I am confident and am trusting in all that I know to be true.  I am an awesome Mom. A great friend. An incredible wife and a good daughter. That is more than enough for me.

And if one day I need to scream, out loud. That’s okay too.

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This post is part of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. If you want to follow along with all of us “challengers”, click on their links below. 

Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ MagzD ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy

A very important CHOICE

Can you imagine what it would be like to wake up every day and not know the things you knew yesterday? You can sense that somewhere deep in the recesses of your mind,  the answer is there, but the question has you so confused that you can’t figure it out.

You “know” that you need to tie your shoes, and you know that you can do it, but for some reason, you can’t remember how.

You are constantly getting in trouble, for the same things, over and over, and don’t understand why.

Your “friend” tells you that it’s a good idea to jump off the roof of your house if you hold your coat open like a parachute, and that seems like it makes sense, so you do it.

You have a really hard time “feeling” your body, as in, you don’t really sense how much space you fill. Because of that you’re constantly getting in people’s way or sitting way too close.

You try to sit still and watch TV, but your body just wants to do something else. You can’t stop bouncing and wiggling, no matter how hard you try.

All of your friends seem to be much older than you, even though you’re the exact same age.

You’re at school sitting in your desk, and your teacher corrects something you’ve done wrong, and you instantly start crying. You can’t help it, and you can’t stop.

Your life is a constant battle and everything seems to be out of your control. You feel lost and confused the majority of the time. You are very emotional. Your forget how to do simple tasks. You don’t understand the instructions that are being given to you. You are stuck inside a body that just feels “lost”.

This is what your life could be like if you have Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.

Your life has been forever changed by your Mother’s choice and your disorder was 100% completely preventable. It is not your fault, but you have to live with it.

Every day, I look into the faces of children that have been affected by alcohol. They struggle more than they succeed and it’s heartbreaking. They’re victims of a crime that was committed before they were even born, and it makes me crazy.

This disorder isn’t saved for alcoholics or regular drinkers, it is much bigger than that. It can be ONE drink at a particular MOMENT and still have dire consequences.

FASD is the leading known cause of preventable developmental disability among Canadians. It is estimated that FASD affects approximately one percent of the Canadian  population.

FASD cannot be cured and has lifelong impacts on individuals, their families, and society. Effects, including alcohol-related birth defects,  can vary  from mild to severe and may include a range of physical, brain and central nervous system disabilities, as well as cognitive,  behavioural and emotional issues. – Public Health Agency of Canada

Today is FASD Awareness Day. Please don’t drink when you’re pregnant. That one simple act can effect your child’s forever and frankly, that’s just not fair.

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Photo courtesy of:  http://fasday.com/

For more information, please go check out the Health Canada site. If you’re pregnant and drinking, please stop. If you need help stopping, please seek help immediately. Your baby is counting on you.

This post is part of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. If you want to follow along with all of us “challengers”, click on their links below.  Please go and give them a read … writing every day for 30 days is TOUGH to do.

Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ MagzD ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy

The Summer that Construction Built

I am so blessed to live in an amazing community and the most wonderful little hamlet ever. We have great amenities, fast snow removal and WAY less potholes than our neighbouring community.

I am literally a 5 minute drive from everything in town, and would happily never leave this place.

This year as we all prepared for a great summer of fun adventure, we had no idea how much “fun” was about to come our way. We made plans, and lists and got ready. But then this happened.

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Quickly our world was taken over by tractors, dirt and constant beeping noises. My street and driveway became a no parking zone, and the summer of hiking everything in and out began.

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From 7am until 7pm, our house rumbled and shook. Dirt and dust were constantly flying and the reverse beeping never, ever seemed to end. My dog spent the majority of her day barking her fool head off at all of the vehicles and people that were constantly out front. Because of that, I had approximately 47 mini heart attacks per day as an Akita barking in warning, is NOT a quiet thing.

We quickly had overflowing garbage cans and empty cupboards but the thought of having to haul things four blocks just wasn’t all that appealing. We eventually had to give in, and thankfully, I have a small crew of carriers to help us get stuff home.

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We were quite the sight to see as we climbed under trees and through bushes to make our way home. Backpacks full of groceries and a line-up of children as far as the eye could see. Over, under and all the way home, every day was an adventure.

Eventually the big hole was filled and the new sidewalks were put in. We were able to bring our vehicles home and the massive Costco trip was made. We finally had cupboards full of food which also means less whiny children. It was glorious.

But today I received a notice from the construction company letting us know that the “adventure” was set to begin again tomorrow.

This time, they’re ripping out our entire street and paving it. 26 homes are affected, which means that there will be approximately 52 vehicles fighting for about 12 parking spots that are within 3 blocks of my house. I am so not excited.

Still thankful for this amazing place that I live, but not excited.

Why didn’t I go buy milk today? That stuff’s heavy.

This post is part of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. Click on the links below to check out some of the other awesome bloggers involved in the challenge. So much awesome.

Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ MagzD ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy

Insanity lives Here

I look at my children and their sweet, beautiful faces, and I think nothing but happy thoughts. I see their smiles and their eyes filled with wonder and realize just how blessed I truly am. I’m surrounded by innocence and hope for the future. I thank the good Lord above for the gifts I’ve been given and then I remember.

I’m no doctor, but I’m sure that my children are insane.

Otherwise, how do you explain laughing, crying and screaming all within 3 minutes? Or how they jump up and down and demand that you buy them a certain toy only to never touch it again. Or how they can live on nothing but milk and cookies, and Kraft Dinner. And seriously, how in the world can someone need to desperately pee every 5 minutes when you’re out shopping.

Who knew that NOT having your socks reach all the way to your knees would cause so much drama? That if you filled your bathtub all the way to the top and jumped off the sides that you wouldn’t necessarily break your neck, but that you could flood the basement?  That sharpies do work exactly like make-up, and that nail clippers could be used to cut your hair.

I never would’ve believed that it was possible to hold your breath for 5 minutes just so you wouldn’t have to eat the vegetables on your plate. Or if you screamed at the top of your lungs for 15 minutes that you wouldn’t lose your voice. And most amazingly, if you yell mosquito really loud, you can smack your sister 30 times before someone gets the bug spray and makes you stop.

I cut the crust off of sandwiches, and only buy polar fleece hoodies. I search the stores for girls shirts that have sleeves like boys. I only buy wildberry juice because fruit punch is disgusting. Nutella is the only thing that can go on toast, and yogurt must NEVER have chunks in it. Ketchup must be Heinz and peanut butter must be made by Kraft. You can only buy banana slurpees at Macs, and even though they’re called Frosters, they must be called slurpees. Blanket’s must be tucked in when you sleep and if you don’t have at least 3 pillows, you can kiss a smooth bedtime good-bye. Hot Chocolate can never be hot, it has to be perfectly warm with 8 marshmallows. Who knew???

Until I had kids, I knew nothing of these lessons. I just assumed that kids would be sweet and cute and do as I said. Instead, my days are spent doing completely irrational things to keep the nutbars at bay. I corral, redirect, smile, agree or just shake my head. I spend a lot of time standing there with my mouth wide open or trying desperately not to laugh. Somedays, I’m just as confused as they are and yet, I’m expected to be the one in charge.

Insanity most definitely lives here.

Funny thing is, in spite of it all, I wouldn’t change my life for anything. I would appreciate a trip to a padded room every now and then though. Doesn’t that sound heavenly?

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This post is part of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. If you want to follow along with all of us “challengers”, click on their links below. 

Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ MagzD ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy

Oops, I did it again.

It’s 12:05am and it just dawned on me that I haven’t written a blog today, or should I say, yesterday.

So now I lay here in bed with my iPhone trying to write something that autocorrect continually keeps ‘helping’ me with. Why must it correct everything, even the stuff that’s right?

For the rest of this post, I’m ignoring the corrections. Im Just groin to write and see where me and my little corrective friend end up. Here we go, my day as translated by autocorrect.

I slept in this morning and still had to fill out more forms and make my 20th lunch of the week. I managed to fired the kids and send ten off to school. Their hair was in rushed and they looked like ragamfliffins. It only took me 4 days to fall behind in the grooming department. New record here folksy

I contemplated cleaning my house cause were boreing on embarassingly dirty but i chose to go out instead. I looked for clothes to take on my trip next week but found that I’m between sizes. Too Nagy or too tight so I blights nothing. Guess I’ll just stick to my teenager saggy bottomed jeansfornow and shop in Vegas.

I hen went to pick up mybsears catalogue order and went to the wrong delpot. of xourse. I managed to snag 2 Sear Christmas catalogues. I tried to get 5 but they cut me off at to which is totally fair. But if I have five I can just give each kid one and they can use them as Christmas lists. Which rheyove cause they’d think they’ll get more stuff but I love it because it keeps them busy and happy for hors, hoping and wishing.

While i was out, i got the call to cut more decals for my friends new business. it was a huge job so inlocked myself in offfice for a few hours. i cut myslef 4!times today with my new xacti blades. I need danger pay.

Uurried home before kids came home. they were uungry and angry so the next few hours were spawned wrangling children. I did manage to convince the two littles to play a cleaning game and got a whole bunch of stuff windexed an shined ups.

Overall, it was a day. I was super busy but I accomplished a lot except whatvinhad planned on doing first those this morning.

So yea, my dorty dishes are still hadone but my kids are all alive, so I consider the day a success.

Sunny blogging challenge. Done.

Who are you anyways?

I am a TOTAL fan of Social Media. Huge fan. Big honking fan actually and there is a distinct possibility that I have a small addiction. Just a slight one though as I could quit it anytime I wanted.  🙂  But anyways …..

I’ve made some amazing connections and “met” some really cool people. Many of them are exactly who they claim to be. They are people with real concerns and really great ideas. They are funny. They are caring and they are a supportive ear. I like those kind of people. A lot.

And then there are the other ones. People that claim to be one thing, but in reality are absolutely nothing like that. Nothing. They jump up to reprimand and correct people and how they’re doing things, while they do the exact same things at home. They sometimes act sweet and innocent, and then you later learn that they’ve been kicked out of every playgroup in the city. Or you’ve been having a nice conversation with them on Twitter and then you log into Facebook and meet their alter ego, Crazy Face. It’s all so very interesting and more than a little bit frustrating.

I know how quickly things can get carried away when you’re not face to face with someone. It’s so easy to get caught up in the anonymity that the internet gives us and just speak without thinking. Our walls all come down and we find a voice that we didn’t even know we had.  Unfortunately, common sense quite often gets lost behind that voice and nuttiness seems to come flying out of our mouths. There’s also that whole “feelings get lost in the translation” thing that doesn’t always help our stories out. And no matter how many smiley face emoticons we add to try and make our point, our true intention doesn’t always come across.

This isn’t just a Social Media phenomenon, we see it all over the place. People calling themselves one thing and then “living” something completely different. People that are put into a “role” in their lives either in their workplace or their community. And instead of doing what they should be, they end up using their position for something completely different.  I really don’t care who you are or what you claim to be, but please “BE” what you’re claiming.

If you’re going to be the mayor of your community, be the best stinking mayor that you can be. Stand up and fight for your constituents. Be an example of what a true leader can be. Don’t wear that title as a crown of popularity and ignore the little people. Don’t pretend to be a mayor … be the leader you were elected to be.

If you’re going to call yourself a breastfeeding advocate, by all means, pull out all the stops and do your community proud. But don’t spend time tearing non-breastfeeders down. Be an example and let them see the beauty of it, and not just a militant ‘knows I’m right” person.

If you’re a teacher, recognize your role in the lives of the children you’ve been given to teach. Remember that they are watching you and waiting for your guidance. The words you use, and the actions you portray will leave lasting marks on their lives. Help them to fall in love with learning, and ensure they leave you in a better place than when they arrived at the beginning of the school year.

If you’re a Mom, just be a Mom. You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to love your babies and be the best you that you can be. Don’t pretend to have it all together when inside you’re falling apart. Be real and honest about what’s going on in your world. The sooner you can do that, the sooner you’ll find real help and support and feel “normal”.

I’m sure that my words right now may be coming across as judgy or harsh, and that so isn’t my intention. I’m not coming from a place of judgement but from a place of wanting people to just be true to themselves. We spend so much time pretending to be something we aren’t just to impress others. In doing that, we devalue ourselves and all that we have to offer.

Why choose to be a second rate version of someone else, when you could be the best YOU that you could be?

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This post is part of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. If you want to follow along with all of us “challengers”, click on their links below.  Please go and give them a read … writing every day for 30 days is TOUGH to do.

Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ MagzD ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy

Stuck in a Story

Raising other peoples children always makes for interesting conversations. More often than not, it’s a bad interesting and not good at all. Sometimes I hear happy, fun stories and they’re awesome but they’re few and far between.

Some of the stories sound like they’re exactly that, stories. There is no way that they can actually be real, there just can’t be. But then I learn that they’re true.

Many times I want to throw-up, or scream or hit someone or just cry and cry. But I can’t, instead I just sit and listen quietly and try to digest what I’m hearing. I try and figure out ways to help them see that their stories aren’t normal and that life can be so much better.

They speak of hopes and dreams and what they want to become. It breaks my heart to hear that their
“dreams” are things that you and I take for granted. Food, shelter, new shoes. Or that Daddy will be out of jail soon.

It’s hard to do any future planning when you don’t know what their future holds. Especially when they’re begging to live with you for always, as long as they can just visit their Mom every now and then. And knowing full well, that they will be going home again.

I wish I could find the words to empower them for when they’re no longer with me. But it’s hard to teach right from wrong when to do so would mean that you’re saying that their Mom is wrong. But how do I say it’s not okay that Mommy locks you up, without actually saying that? How do I say that it’s never okay to choke someone when they say that was Daddy’s favourite game? How do I teach them that it’s a parent’s job to take care of their children when they answer with “that’s not how it works in my house”.  How do I help them feel comfortable in my world, when it’s completely opposite to all they know?

It’s been 14 years of trying to find the right words, and I still feel like I haven’t found them.

 

This post is part of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. Click on the links below to check out some of the other awesome bloggers involved in the challenge. So much awesome.

Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ MagzD ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy