Category Archives: The Road to Skinny

The Road to Skinny … Or Not.

The beginning of a new year brings about the desire for change. It pushes us to think about what we want that is better than what we currently have. It seems to make our eyes focus on all that is wrong with us, and not necessarily all that’s right. It’s the time of year that people seem to think and/or hope will set off this huge firecracker under their butts and in their minds that will cause them to jump up and change. It’s a fresh start and a new beginning.

For me, the new year forces me to focus on my never-ending trek towards “skinny”.  It’s this thing that follows me everywhere I go. It’s the thing I cannot seem to conquer. It’s quite literally the very large elephant in the room that just won’t die, no matter how hard I try. Or maybe not.

If I were to be totally honest, I don’t think I’ve ever cared enough to really want to change it. I’ve got a couple of months worth of willpower, and about 47 seconds of desire. I’ve got all the knowledge in the world, and an incredible team of people willing to support and help me, but somehow I’m also good with where I’m at. I’ve got a massive desire to shop in any store, and not just the stupid chubby girl shops, but for some reason, I’m okay with not trying all that hard to change.

I’m Fat and Happy, and I don’t think this is how I’m supposed to feel.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be 6 sizes smaller. I’d like to be able to walk around the block without wanting to die. I like the idea of wearing shorts when it’s hot – no I NEVER wear shorts. I’d like to have more energy. I’d like my knees to not hurt. I’d love to sit outside in the summer and not want to die because I’m SO hot, which is a problem because as you know, I don’t wear shorts and fat people have a whole lotta extra insulation. I’d like to not have people give me the classic fat girl compliment, “You’ve got such a pretty face”, to me. Ever. Again. I’d like to be able to touch my toes, for no other reason to say that I can. I want to just take up less space.

So … where does that leave me? The Happy Fat Girl that want’s to be skinny, but doesn’t really care.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand how I truly feel about this subject, or if I’ll ever fully figure it out but I believe that it’s leading me somewhere. In some weirdo, round-a-bout backwards way, it’s taking me to what I really want and need. I want to be more focused. More centered and just more Me. I’m happy, but I want another level of happy. I want to be overflowing with Joy, so much so that it oozes from me and into the world around me. Skinny won’t accomplish that …. but I can.

2015 is going to be the Year of April. I’m going to write. I’m going to write about anything and everything and just write because I can. I’m going to spend time making my new blog fun and super successful. I’m going to move into a house that is exactly what our family needs. I’m going to fall back into mad love with my husband. I’m going to finally put all of my anxiety’s behind me, and step forward without worry about stupid things that I can not control. I’m going to focus on getting healthy and not care at all about skinny. Maybe a smaller size will follow, but whatever, I don’t care.

I’m excited about what’s to come and even more excited to figure out that my “Road to Skinny” is officially on a detour to somewhere totally different.

This road is officially leading to me.




The Road to Skinny …. Following the Rules

Well, yesterday was my bi-weekly weigh-in and the results were pretty good.

I spent the last 2 weeks actually following all of my coaches orders. I ate, and I ate, and I ate. More food than I’ve eaten in a really long time. I took my vitamins, drank copious amounts of water and did exactly what I was supposed to do.

Overall, I felt great, outside of this evil sinus infection that just. won’t. die. I slept well, still didn’t convince myself to exercise, but I made it through another 2 weeks. Yeah Me!

I lost another 9lb’s and 6 more inches. And even better news, my body fat percentage went down which means I’m not losing lean mass, which means I’m doing the right thing for my body.

This year WILL be the final chapter in my Fat April story. I know it, I feel it and I love it.

Last week, I also joined a great little group on Facebook called Mission Slim Possible. It’s a bunch of people wanting to achieve some big goals this year – health & exercise wise. They’re all there to support and encourage and lift each other up. They’re going to inspire me to exercise … hasn’t happened yet, but it will. LOL. I did manage to download a 7 minute exercise app though, so that counts for something right?? (Yes, I’m that lazy that I count that action as exercise).

I’m grateful for their honest and open hearts, and their daily words of encouragement. Our stories are all very different but our goals are the same. We all want more. We all want better. We all want change.

Wherever you are in your “get skinny/healthy” journey, find yourself a support system somewhere. If it can’t be your spouse, find a good friend. If your friends are as unmotivated as you are, find a group of workout buddies. Just find something or someone to help you get through this adventure. If you’re in the same boat as me, the journey will be long and tough, and not one you can do on your own.

Thankfully, I’m blessed with a good husband, great friends and an awesome coach. They are the voices that push me forward and remind me of my goals. They are my gifts in this world.

Who’s your helper? Go find one. Now.

See you in 2 weeks.



The Road to Skinny … Keep on Keeping On

One year has come and gone, and I’m half way to my goal. I hoped to be much farther along, but half way is what I achieved, and well, I’m okay with that.

This has been my year for self–discovery and I think if I would’ve lost more, faster, I wouldn’t have figured some things out. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to taking care of myself, and even though I always knew that, I don’t think I truly got it. Now I do.

By nature, I put others before myself. In all things, and in all ways. I don’t see that changing, but I now see that I have to find some time for me in there somewhere. I know that If I’m going to be of any use to anyone, I need to be okay. Physically, mentally, spiritually and health wise … I have to claim these things for myself and stop ignoring their importance. I’m such a twit sometimes.

I spend a tonne of time thinking about food, but very little time eating it. I had no idea how little I actually ate in a day, until I had to keep track of it. It’s such a weird thing to wrap my head around as here I was a fat girl basically living in a state of malnutrition. So crazy. Now, I struggle with the same thing but in a different way. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I can’t live on nachos and cupcakes, so I just kind of don’t really care about food. I still hate 94% of all veggies, so getting good healthy food into my body is fairly challenging some days.

I know what I need to do to be healthy, but my brain doesn’t always seem to want to agree. I know what I have to eat, the supplements I need to take, and the exercise that I must do but I still fight it. It’s so stupid, but everyday I have to MAKE myself choose better.

I’m lazy. Not when it comes to life, or business, or helping others, but when it comes to me. I have zero desire to exercise or get off the couch. Zero desire. It’s almost scary.

I’m ready to change things. I always thought I was, but looking back, I really wasn’t. I’m there now, and excited that this lifelong journey will be coming to an end. 40 years of being overweight, and not all that healthy are coming to an end. 2013 was the year I lost 70lbs, 2014 is going to be the year that “healthy” becomes my normal.

I’m officially back on Ideal Protein, and actually listening to my coaches. (I never quit the program, I just wasn’t following all the rules. As in wasn’t eating nearly enough, not taking my vitamins, etc., etc.). I still absolutely love the program and know that it’s the right thing for me, so I’m excited to continue on it.

I’m getting weighed in and measured every 2 weeks, and will report back here to all of you. Not just about pounds and inches, but how I’m feeling, how my brain is doing and the goals for the next couple of weeks. Hopefully, that little bit of accountability and effort will keep me focused on where I’m going. Thanks in advance for being a part of my “team”.

Now to stop being my own stumbling block, and to get this DONE.

Shut-up head, you’re no longer driving this bus.



The Road to Skinny …. It’s a Good Day

20 years ago, I married my best friend. I have not always liked him, and I can’t say that I’ve always fully understood him, but I’ve always loved him. In fact, I love him more today than I did on our wedding day, and for that I’m thankful. I am a very blessed woman to be able to say that I am married to this man. Happy Anniversary to us but now on to my story.

I haven’t been writing about my weight loss a whole lot lately, and not because I’ve quit or that I’m gaining or anything like that, but because I’ve stopped thinking about it. I’m no longer obsessing, freaking out, worrying or beating myself up. And it’s awesome. I can officially say that my weight no longer controls me. I’m still overweight, and have a long ways to go, but that’s okay.

I re-started this journey on January 1st of this year, and I’ve gone up and down, lost and gained but have now found a nice rhythm. My pace is slow and steady, but it is steady. If I have a bad day, or eat something I know I shouldn’t, it’s only a bad choice. It’s not a bad day, or a bad week, it’s just a bad choice. I’m actually now able to choose to start again immediately, and that’s a really cool thing. I’m eating with purpose instead of eating for something to do. I am finally free.

I’ve lost almost 4 sizes, 40 plus inches and as of this morning, 60 pounds. I meant to celebrate at 50 pounds, but I forgot. So now, we’re having a 60 pound send-off celebration. It’s hard to imagine what 60 lbs looks like, as I still don’t really see a whole lot of change when I look at myself. But when I look at this, I get it. 60lbs That’s a whole lot of me that just isn’t attached any more and so I say ….. Good Riddance and Good-Bye. Good-bye to the old me. The old way of thinking. The old self-deprecating thoughts. The old critical and mean little voice that told me that I would never lose weight, so why bother trying. Good-bye to the Old April and Hello to the new one.

I may still be a fat girl, but I’m in control now and the Fat Ship is sailing away. People are going to have to find something new to tease me about and will need something new to call me. How about Super Wicked Awesome Girl? I’d be okay with that. Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to be known as April.

What a novel idea.

Counting the Weight in the Days

15,058 days ago, I was born.

7,250 days ago, I got married.

6,252 days ago, I became a Mom.

12,136 days ago, I realized that I was overweight.

I have been thinking about, working on and surviving “my size” for almost as long as I’ve been alive. I’ve had a great and happy life, and my weight was just something that I carried. It didn’t make my life any less fabulous or more difficult. It has always just been a part of who I was.

I am now at a place where my weight is going down as opposed to up. I’m eating to sustain life, and not just because I’m bored or have nothing better to do. I’m drinking more water and almost no Coke Zero. I’m eating more veggies in a week than I used to eat in a month. Food is no longer my enemy.

Problem is, the only thing I really “know” is how to be fat. I’ve been overweight almost as long as I’ve been breathing. I’ve never shopped in a store that isn’t plus-sized, and I’ve never worn a bikini. (That’s never going to happen … but it would be nice to have the option). I’ve never felt truly 100% comfortable in my own skin. Happy and content, yes but comfortable, no.

Maybe there’s always been a skinny girl trying to get out, and I’ve been shutting her up with cookies and Diet Coke. Maybe I was scared of not being who I’ve always been. Maybe I felt safer being fat. Maybe it was something else. I really don’t know but whatever it was, I’ve never felt “right”.

Now that I’m actually facing real change and a new body, it’s a little bit overwhelming. That may sound a bit crazy to some of you, but I’m literally becoming something that’s totally foreign to me. I don’t have any “skinny memories” as a frame of reference. I’ve never been anything but bigger than everyone around me. It’s just the weirdest thing.

I am still “morbidly obese” (stupid weight charts) and have a long ways to go BUT I am only one size away from shopping in normal stores. I am now only 10lbs heavier than the weight that’s listed on my driver’s license. My stomach no longer sticks out farther than my boobs. I am becoming a new person.

Hopefully the face that’s staring back at me in the mirror recognizes the old me, and that they quicky become one in the same. My head, my heart and my eyes all need to start seeing the same thing, sooner than later. I’m working too hard and feeling too good to let this little disconnect mess me up any longer.

So, watch out World … this “Fat Girl” is about to let her “Skinny Girl” out. Brace Yourselves, it’s gonna be awesome.

This post is part of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. If you want to follow along with all of us “challengers”, click on their links below.  Please go and give them a read … writing every day for 30 days is TOUGH to do.

Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ MagzD ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy

Hungry … for Nothing.

Had a weigh-in yesterday and I’m still going down. Losing more inches than weight but going in the right direction nonetheless. I feel really good, almost no more stomach issues, or random aches or pains, and lots of energy. I love the Ideal Protein program, and the majority of the foods. (Horrific pudding excluded). I’ve got an excellent support system, and all the tools and help that I need to succeed. My husband is amazing and is an encouragement and inspiration. My clothes are falling off when I walk, and I’ve only got one chin. Overall, I’m doing awesome.

But, I’ve basically become my own worst enemy and am constantly jeopardizing my progress. I’ve become a slow and steady turtle because I’m not eating enough. Period.

It’s such a weird thing to be going through. I went from being hungry all the time and eating crap whenever I wanted to, to always been full. I literally get hungry once/day and that’s it. And now that I’ve given in to the fact that I can no longer eat cookies and cupcakes and chips, food’s lost all its appeal to me. I just don’t think about it anymore.

It’s one of those good/bad things. I’m happy that I’m no longer controlled by food but have to get some new healthy habits going and fast. I’m just not very good at happy mediums. My all or nothing lifestyle affects me on many levels. Whatever I do, I do it to the best of my ability. All or nothing, always. Unfortunately when it comes to me and my health, there tends to be more “nothing” than anything. (Unless eating out of control for years counts, cause that was a whole lot of “all”).

I’ve got a new plan, it’s simple and silly but it should work. I’ve got alarms set on my phone to remind myself to go and eat. 6 times per day, to remind me to take care of myself. I’ve got food and snacks planned out, so I’m running out of excuses. Water, vitamins, vegetables, protein and happy thoughts are all at the ready. I can do this.

It’s time for me to replace ALL the bad stuff with the good stuff and I feel like I’m half way there. Hopefully, the healthy food and healthy life cravings kick in right away. I’m so ready for that.

So if you see me, please feel free to ask me when the last time was that I ate. I need help here people.


I’m following the Ideal Protein Plan. IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE, PLEASE CONTACT MY COACHES HERE. Be sure to let them know that April sent you.

Small Disclaimer at Bottom of Post: I am being compensated for sharing my Ideal Protein story with you.

This is Day Five of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. If you want to follow along with all of us “challengers”, click on their links below.

Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ MagzD ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy

I see nothing and I REALLY need to see.

Its been an interesting couple of weeks in my weight-loss, get healthy journey. I’ve had my pants fall down in public, all of my shirts have become off-the-shoulder looks and my shoes are too wide for my feet. People are starting to notice a change in my appearance, which is nice to hear, because I’m just not seeing it. I’m feeling it, but I’m not seeing it.

I feel like I should be doing better, I should be losing quicker, and my changes should be more obvious. Somewhere in the back of my head, I know that I need to get my head to shut-up and just be satisfied with my progress so far. Why is that so hard, why do I continually get stuck on the big picture and just how stinking far I have to go?

I’m discouraged and disheartened, but I’m not really. I’m completely unsatisfied with my progress, but I’m also pleased. How does that even make sense? My brain annoys me.

So instead of focusing on nonsense,  I will wait and I will continue pushing forward. I’ll keep eating my protein, drinking my water and continually chewing my veggies. One day I’m going to look in the mirror and I’m going to see it. Until then, I’m trying to trust what I know.

I’m 22 lbs and 32 inches smaller. And that is something to be proud of.


I’m following the Ideal Protein Plan. IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE, PLEASE CONTACT MY COACHES HERE. Be sure to let them know that April sent you.

Small Disclaimer at Bottom of Post: I am being compensated for sharing my Ideal Protein story with you.

I’m SO skinny now … 4 weeks Complete

Well, I made it to 4 weeks and I’m pretty excited about how well I did. Especially since, I’m feeling great and haven’t felt all that deprived or like I had to give up a whole lot of anything.

I am a bit ticked off at myself though for having my glass of Coke Zero as it totally stalled my weight loss for almost a week. Apparently, drinking a litre of diet coke/day has made my body more than a little sensitive to Aspartame. Bummer Dude.

But …. here’s a picture of what I’ve lost.


That picture totally grosses me out, but it’s a pretty good visual.

In 28 days, I lost:

20 pounds – 17.5 inches and 1.5% body fat

Overall, I’m quite satisfied and pretty proud of myself but the end still feels so far away. I’m really trying to stay focused on how I’m doing and how far I’ve come, as opposed to how far I still have to go. My initial goal is 50lbs, and I’m almost half way there. So for now, that  is what I’ll focus on and not the next 50lbs after that. 

That’s always been my problem, getting caught up in the “big” (no pun intended) picture. It’s hard … but I need to stay in the “now” and not the seemingly impossible future. Today is what matters … and I think I’ve almost got my brain convinced of that. Thankfully, I’ve got a great support system and they’re helping me see “me”.

My husband doesn’t say a whole lot about my weight, good or bad. He’s watched me go up and down and has learned to just say nothing. But this time, when I feel down or complain if I don’t feel like I’m doing good enough, he helps me see things differently.  He points out little things that I don’t think about, and it helps.

My coach and the entire team at Bearspaw have been incredibly supportive and helpful on this journey. They let me whine and complain and tell them they suck, and they still love me. They have been an integral part of what has kept me on track. Thank-you Kerri & Josline … I love you A LOT.

And now we keep on going, starting with a protein shake and a salad.

IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE, PLEASE CONTACT MY COACHES HERE. Be sure to let them know that April sent you. 

Small Disclaimer at Bottom of Post: I am being compensated for sharing my Ideal Protein story with you.

Just keep swimming … Ideally

Well, week two has come to a close, and I’m still heading in the right direction. Down.

I’m losing an average of 1 pound and 1 inch every day. Not too shabby. At all.

Overall, it’s going really well and it’s pretty easy to follow. It’s not EASY by any means as I am giving up a whole lot of yummy tastiness, but it’s very doable. I’m still not exercising which I know I need to do but for now, I’m going to focus more on switching my brain to not eating crap and fast food anything. That’s enough for me. For now.

People have been asking what I’m actually eating in a day, so here’s a quick rundown.

Breakfast … You get one Ideal Protein item of your choice. I always have the Cappucino drink mixed up in my shaker cup with water and a bunch of ice. I really like it. You can also have a cup of coffee if you’d like.

Lunch … You get one Ideal Protein pack of your choice. I’ve tried a bunch of different things and usually just have a pre-made shake. I also make a huge salad with a bunch of veggies. (You get unlimited lettuce at lunch and 2 cups of vegetables). For dressing, I just use a mix of olive oil, vinegar, salt & pepper. Or I use Salsa because I love it.

Supper … You get to eat with your family, so no Protein Packs. I make some kind of meat, and then have another huge salad and veggies. (Again, unlimited lettuce and 2 cups of veggies for supper as well). I’ve been making stir-fry’s, lettuce wraps, etc.

Snacks … If I get hungry during the day, I’ll snack on Dill pickles, cucumbers or celery. In the evening, you also get one of the restricted Ideal Protein foods. (They’re restricted because you’re only allowed one of them per day). My favourite are the Southwest Cheese Curls. They’re spicy and yummy, and you get a nice big bag of them. They really do taste great, and I feel like I’m getting a “chip-like” treat when I eat them.

Throughout the day, I drink copious amounts of water as I’m a very, very thirsty girl. I bought myself a Coke Zero the other day, had two drinks and dumped it out. Surprisingly, it didn’t taste nearly as good as I thought it should. And I had a tiny little bit of guilt drinking it … if I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it properly. I’ve spent years only partially taking care of myself, and this time, I’m going all the way.

I’m feeling great, and the changes are already obvious. All of those little things make this journey a little bit easier and are helping to keep me motivated. I still want cupcakes and icing, but thankfully, I want healthy just a little bit more.

IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE, PLEASE CONTACT MY COACHES HERE. Be sure to let them know that April sent you. 

Small Disclaimer at Bottom of Post: I am being compensated for sharing my Ideal Protein story with you.

My Ideal Journey Begins

Surprise, I’ve started a new diet program. And an even bigger surprise, I’m actually happy about it. Today was my one week “anniversary” of starting the program, and my results are pretty amazing. But let’s go back a bit.

About a month ago, my friend Josline approached me and asked me if I’d heard of the Ideal Protein diet. I had heard about it, but hadn’t really put too much thought into it as I was thinking it was similar to Bernstein, and I CANNOT afford to go down that road again. She let me know it wasn’t like that at all and set me straight. We had a long chat about it and she explained how it worked, and how it would not only help me lose weight but help me feel better. For me, that was a big deal.

I’ve let go of my “need to be skinny”, and have more or less accepted how I look. What I’m not happy about is how stinkin’ crappy I feel all the time. I gain weight and I lose weight constantly. I suffer from headaches, food sensitivities, stomach problems, random pain, etc, etc. And frankly, it’s gotten really old. I’d like to say that my weight has nothing to do with all my issues, but I think that would be naïve. So I began this journey with the intention of changing my life, it’s not about skinny, it’s about getting healthy.

So, why Ideal Protein? Well, for me, it’s actually pretty simple. Number One. I’m lazy. Number Two. I HATE cooking and preparing food, so I quite often end up eating nothing until it’s midnight and I’m starving. Nachos and pop are oh so good at that time of the day, or toast, oh how I love toast. And well, that seems to just be making me fatter and sicker. I need quick and easy and ready for me. Ideal Protein gives me exactly that.

With this plan, I get 3-4 protein “packs” per day. There’s a tonne of different packs to choose from, so I’m able to actually get a pretty decent variety of foods to eat throughout the week. There’s shakes, bars, soups, crunchy snacks, puddings, pancakes, oatmeal, etc. I also get to have a schwackload of vegetables and as much lettuce as I want to eat. As a bonus, at supper, I get to sit down and eat with my family. I don’t get the pasta and/or potatoes that they’re eating, but I do get the meat and veggies. So before people question, yes, I’m eating real food, lots of it. Difference being, I’m not eating any fast food or sugar.

When I went into the clinic to meet my coach Kerri, I was weighed, measured and fat tested. And let me tell you, that’s a fun time. Nothing like finding out that your body is made of almost 50% fat, which I’m sure is wrong as I think it’s actually happiness and joy that fill me out, not fat. Just sayin’.  😉 She gave me this fancy little shopping bag, a shaker cup and helped me pick out all my food for the week. I also got a bunch of vitamins and some special salt for my food. I came home with everything and a little journal to write down what I eat, how much water I drink and how I was feeling each day. I ate the last piece of my birthday cake, read all the diet tips and prepared myself to begin the next day.


My first two days were horrific. My body was detoxing and apparently when your body is deprived of the Coke Zero that has become it’s lifeblood, it’s not happy. I basically had a headache so bad that I could hardly see, and just felt like death warmed over. And I was hungry, hangry kinda hungry. But when I woke up on day three, the world was a much brighter happier place. Just a slight headache, and not nearly as hungry. Day four – not even remotely hungry and having to remind myself to eat.

It’s not easy, nothing worth doing ever is, but I’m doing it and it feels good. I’m loving that I’m able to grab something to eat on the fly, instead of just living on diet pop. I’m actually putting good, healthy food into my body as opposed to McDonalds, Iced Capps and my special friend Coke Zero. I actually ate a raw pepper the other day. And apparently, I don’t need to put ketchup on everything. Who knew food would still taste good when it wasn’t covered in sauces or sugar? I sure didn’t.

Back to my one week anniversary. Well, I lost 8 lbs and 8.5″. Not too shabby at all and it’s definitely all the encouragement I need to keep moving forward. I also haven’t had a headache in 3 days, and that’s HUGE. 8lbs is nice, not having to lay in a room with my eyes shut for hours, is even nicer.

I’m going to be blogging my journey in hopes that it will keep me a little bit more accountable and “aware” of myself. I’ll blog weekly but you can also follow along with me on Twitter. I’ll be using the hash tag #idealapril and I’ll be brutally honest about what’s going on with me each day. 

I’m REALLY bad at taking care of myself, and I’m going to need all of you reminding me to put me FIRST. It’s been a long time since I’ve done exactly that, and it’s time.

IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE, PLEASE CONTACT MY COACHES HERE. Be sure to let them know that April sent you. 

Small Disclaimer at Bottom of Post: I am being compensated for sharing my Ideal Protein story with you.