When I made the decision to blog my weight loss journey, I promised to be honest along the way. This has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve dieted before but I’ve never shared my experience like this, and that’s been, at times, really hard to do. It’s not an easy thing opening up about your successes, your failures, your blips along the way and all of the emotions that come along with them. But I’ve been doing it, and will continue to do so until I reach my goal weight. (Which I really still don’t have, outside of it needs to start with the number one).
So …. the big cheat.
Another two weeks have flown by and there’s been A LOT going on in my world. Some of my littles are dealing with some really major stuff, which just about kills me, especially since I can never talk about it and just get it all out there. My new business is set to launch and in working so hard on it, my Fibro chose to have a massive flare-up and my hands swelled up to twice their normal size. I’ve got some personal issues going on in my life that I’m trying to work through and or walk away from. I’m helping my family with a bunch of stuff, and overall, life is just crazy. Just like it is for most of us, all the time, so excuse my whiny list of excuses and justification for bad behaviour. LOL.
We had booked a week away with all the kids, but at the last-minute, they all decided that they just wanted to stay home and work or hang out with friends. So, we sold our week away to another big foster family and decided to stay home. After some chatting, the husband and I decided to just leave our party pooper children at home and ran away by ourselves. We chose to head south of the border and do a bunch of Christmas shopping and buy me some much-needed clothes. We went to Target, my happy place, drank Starbucks and wandered around in the peace and quiet. It was glorious.
It was also 4 days of me not caring about what I was eating. I ate when I was hungry, and ordered what looked good. I skipped a couple of meals because, frankly, there was shopping to be done. I had a #PSL, more than once and it was good. So good. I didn’t eat a single salad.
I gained 11 pounds.
I came home very happy and refreshed, but also very bloated and more sore than I’ve been in a very long time. The trip was an epic failure in the “get April healthy” journey but it was also very encouraging and exciting at the same time and this is why.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t obsess about what I was putting in my mouth. Not in a bad way or a good way, I just ate. I also didn’t, not even once think that I should just go crazy and eat anything and everything because I’ve already screwed up my food for the day. Food didn’t control me. In fact, it was just food and nothing more.
For me, that is HUGE. I have been terrified of what would happen when I opened the doors and ate something that wasn’t on my weight loss plan. Would I completely fall off the wagon and go backwards, like I always have? Would I choose to eat 47 cookies instead of the 1 that I was craving? Would I say Screw it, this is hard. There are things that taste better than skinny feels. Would I feel like I failed yet again?
I don’t feel any of these things. I am home, I’m back on track and I’m continuing on my journey. I still have close to 100 lbs to go, so this story will be a very long one, BUT I am so encouraged to know that I AM GETTING BETTER. My brain is changing. My heart is changing. I am changing.
So as epic of a failure this past week was, it was exactly what I needed.
This journey is so much more than just sheer will and a desire to change. It’s about recognizing my weaknesses, figuring out how to change them and celebrating when it actually occurs. It’s about not letting a bad choice, or in this case, about 11 of them, derail me and send me reeling.
It’s about Losing myself and finding me, in so many ways.
Now back to the plan and the protocol, because 100%, without question, this is working.
Thank-you Coach for helping me along this far and please don’t be too mean to me after you read this blog. 😉
WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS JOURNEY? The best way to learn more about the Ideal Protein plan is to register for a free information session. They will be held every Wednesday at 630 pm during November at The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park. Anyone attending the info session will earn a voucher for 1/2 the registration fee should you choose to join the program. And if you mention that you learned about them by reading my blog, you will also earn a special welcome bonus. You can reach out to the Coach here.