Week 23 plus a Few & Still Hanging On

It’s been a little while since I’ve written. Not because I gave in and quit, but because my life went insane. Who knew keeping 7 kids busy and on track all summer would be a tough task to accomplish? August was the month of seemingly unending doctors appointments, the moving in and out of kids, back to school prep and just all around chaos. I’ve hardly had a spare moment to think, forget about writing.

The good news, I’m still trucking along. At my slow snails pace, but still going nonetheless. A lot of the doctors appointments were for me, as some of my bad choices of my old lifestyle have come back to bite me in the butt. It’s been a pretty big reminder of how important taking care of myself really is. Not really caring for the majority of my life has left me with more issues than I’d like to even admit. BUT that’s okay, I’ll just keep going forward, I’ll just keeping choosing better and I’ll deal with whatever my body decides to throw at me as it comes along. Unfortunately, I can’t completely reverse some things, but I can most certainly stop them from getting worse, so that’s reason enough for me to keep trying.

I still continue to struggle with eating enough, and getting my brain to accept that vegetables are friends and not enemies. Every month, I do a little bit better, but I need to do more than just “a little bit” better. I need to stop being such a whiny baby and quit ignoring the reminder alarms that I’ve set in my phone to remind myself to eat. I need to not think about veggies as horrible awfulness. I need to just suck it up and deal already. I need to just stop hanging on and throw myself over the edge already.

As much as I appreciate feeling better and love that my painful bad weeks have become bad days, and more often than not, just bad moments, I now need to focus on losing weight. The past 6 months of “dieting” to get healthy have been awesome, but I’m now ready to diet to lose weight. My heart and my brain need a little switch as my journey is still so far from ending that I need a new motivation. Reality is, the more weight I lose, the better I’ll feel. I need the fat to stop crushing my organs and causing me pain. I need to be able to carry less of me around to give my joints and bones a break. I need my skin to stop rubbing on itself. I just need to not be fat anymore.

September 1st has always been my January 1st, so it’s New Years Resolution time friends. I’m now “officially” on a diet to lose weight. And for the first time in my life, I’m actually excited about this change and am looking forward to reaching some VERY close milestones.

I’ve been fat my entire life and I cannot wait to see what “not fat” feels like.

If you want to check out the Ideal Protein plan and see what I’m doing and why I love it, please come out to an upcoming information night. I’ll be there sharing a bit of my story and answering your questions along with some other fine folks. You’ll get to try some of the products and will receive a discount voucher to use if you decide to join. Follow this link to add your name to the attendance list.

Ideal Protein Information Night in Sherwood Park

And as a closing note, Thank-you for being on my support team by reading my posts, sending me encouraging notes and for joining this journey with me. This is tough to do, and having a team of people on my side really helps make things easier. Much Love to all of you.

Weeks 21, 22 and Losing my Will

These past 2 weeks have been really hard. Really hard.

Circumstances, pain flare-ups, situations, and moments out of my control have more or less consumed me for the past 2 weeks. In that consumption, I’ve lost sight of what I’m trying to accomplish. I’m at the place where I want to just quit, and be done, and go back to not really caring. I want to go out with my friends and eat whatever I want. I want to eat toast for breakfast.

Unfortunately, I also really want to not hurt. I want to shop in any store and pick out any clothes and put them on and have them fit me. I want to feel super comfortable in my skin and not think about how other people see me. I want to be healthy. I want all of the things that I don’t have right now.

And there-in lies the problem.

I’m done but I’m so NOT done at the same time. When I think about all of the things that I’m whining and complaining about, they’re so stupid. Boo-Hoo, I can’t have cake. I have to eat vegetables and steak and not a plate of nachos. Oh woe is me. I’m actually having a pity party for myself over the loss of sugar, and the overall feelings of crappiness that it fills me with. It makes absolutely no sense, but here I am, wallowing in it. Like an idiot.

The funny thing is, in all of this whining, I haven’t been cheating. I haven’t been eating at McDonalds or sneaking Iced Capps. I’ve just been surviving on mostly air, some water and a protein shake or two. I also had a moment, and drank 2 Diet Cokes, which resulted in 3 days of extreme bloating, joint pain and the worst headache that I’ve had in a long time. Instead of eating the bags of veggies I’ve pre-cut for myself, and the meals that I’ve got frozen in the freezer, I chose Diet Pop.

Explain that to me. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why is it so incredibly hard for me to give a rats behind about myself? Why can I look into the eyes of my children and want for them to be healthy and happy and strong? Or at my husband? Or my parents? Or my friends? Why can I see it, and feel it for everyone else but still not feel it for myself? Intellectually I get it, and I understand why it needs to happen. But I don’t “feel” it.

Or am I just being lazy and choosing the easy way through this instead of focusing on what I really need to do? 45 years of being fat, 97% really happy and fairly successful is what I know. It’s safe and it’s who I’ve always been. Do I not want it bad enough? Is that what this is? Laziness?

I don’t think it is though because if I shut my brain off and listen to my heart,  I KNOW that I really do want more of what the world has to offer. And that this body and my health is stopping me from experiencing everything. I want it, and I have flashes of feeling it, but I just can’t get it to stick. Maybe I just answered my own question though … maybe it’s about shutting my brain off, ignoring the nonsense in my head and just focusing on doing what I know I need to do – instead of waiting to feel it. Gah.

When I began this journey, it was hard but easy at the same time. I felt so incredibly awful that it was easy to grab onto something that made me feel better. But now that I feel mostly good, I’m getting lost without the obvious reminders. I never would’ve thought that it would be the middle of my story that would be the hardest part of this, but yet, here I am. Wallowing and floundering and only half way there.

I really don’t want to be taken out by the middle. That’s the best part of an Oreo and I’m going to turn it into the best part of my story too. I can do this.

What did these two weeks bring me?

  • A loss of 5 pounds last week, this week, I don’t know as I didn’t make it to my weigh-in. Sigh.
  • Almost 30″ lost now which means I need a new wardrobe, but I’m holding out a bit longer.
  • I ate jicama and turnips AND I liked them.
  • An aspartame induced three day long torture episode.
  • The packing and a move of a child out of my home.
  • The accidental but almost fatal poisoning by me – of our dog, who is absolutely fine now. Amen.
  • The discovery that I’m not doing as well as I thought I was.
  • Admitting and accepting that it’s okay to not be okay while knowing that I’m going to be more than okay in the end.
  • Calling the middle out for what it is, messy and rude.

 

**** I am still so very thrilled about being on Ideal Protein and following the plan. It’s made me more conscious of what I’m eating and/or not eating. It’s forcing me to eat for nutrition and not for convenience. I’m not struggling because of Ideal Protein, I’m struggling because of me. The Ideal Protein plan, my coach, the staff in my clinic, and the support that I’ve received have helped me in ways that I can never describe. Without them, I would’ve given up a long time ago and just fell back into my old ways. I can say, without hesitation that if you are ready to change your life & get healthy. Give this a try.  ****

WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS JOURNEY? As always, remember that if you mention that you read my blog when you head into The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park, they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. Great savings!! If you want more info, send me a message and I’ll help you on your journey. Or you can reach out to the Coach here.

Weeks 19 & 20 and Changing my Relationship with Food

I’ve been having a hard time writing my blog this week, as I’m struggling with the words I’m trying to say.

I went on vacation for Week 19, and overall, it was great. I mostly stayed on track, but definitely didn’t eat enough vegetables. It’s always the vegetables that slip me up, every stinking time. But, vacation was good, it was relaxing and restful, and it gave me some time to think and reflect.

When I told everyone that I was going on vacation, almost every person told me to just take the week off from my plan. To eat whatever I wanted and to just enjoy myself without worrying about food. It sounded like a good plan, and I almost considered it. BUT … I SO don’t want to go there.

I want to get to a place where food isn’t about rewards and punishments. I don’t want my week to be defined by a cheat day. Or special days. Or vacations.

My entire life has been about counting calories or completely ignoring them. It’s been feast or famine. It’s been eating when no ones watching or hiding empty package and wrappers. It’s been diet after diet, pills and programs, and all sorts of craziness.  It’s been a life controlled by bad habits and backwards thinking, and I’m over it.

I just want to get to the place where food is food and nothing more.

My goal in starting this journey has always been about feeling better. Part of feeling better is getting my brain healthier and happier and not so bogged down by all of these crappy and messed up thoughts about food. I need to be aware of what I’m thinking, but food needs to stop being the currency that I use in my daily life.

I’m looking forward to the day when I’m just able to eat without fear, and to truly “feel” that eating one cookie doesn’t give me license to just eat the entire bag, because I already screwed my diet up. I want to wake up in the morning, and just be. I’ll have breakfast, lunch, dinner and it will be mostly healthy and balanced, and maybe I’ll have a cookie or two. I’ll go to bed without being consumed by the choices of my day. That is the place I want to be in. That is my goal.

I’m not only losing myself and finding me on this journey, I’m becoming a better version of the person I already am. I really like me right now BUT I know I’m really going to like the me that’s not afraid of a piece of cake.

What did these 2 weeks give me?

  • I lost another 5 lbs and another inch or two.
  • I found some awesome recipes that follow my plan and I enjoyed a burger ON A BUN. (Well it was kind of a bun, but it worked).
  • A plan and a partner to help me finally conquer food prep and hopefully my vegetable issue.
  • I didn’t lose my bathing suit in the pool, which I was fairly confident would happen because it’s now 3 sizes too big.

 

 

CONSIDERING JOINING ME ON IDEAL PROTEIN? As always, remember that if you mention that you read my blog when you head into The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park, they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. Great savings!! If you want more info, send me a message and I’ll help you on your journey. Or you can reach out to the Coach here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

Weeks 17 & 18. Game On.

People have been asking me about my diet and how I’m losing weight, as it’s finally obvious when you look at me now. I’m not going to lie, it feels pretty good that all of my hard work has been noticed but frankly, it’s the stuff you can’t see that I’m the most happy about. It’s also the stuff that I need to remember.

Lots of you know my crazy health story of the last few years, but just as many of you don’t. So I want to share what’s going on, so you have a better understanding. And hopefully, to also show other people dealing with the same nightmarish crap, that it can get better.

About 3 years ago, I was in 2 car accidents within 5 months of each other. Thankfully I wasn’t badly hurt in either one but on a side note, I did get to enjoy a ride in an ambulance in the dark, down a mountain pass, which was kinda fun. My body went through a lot in those 5 months, and after months of severe pain, I was diagnosed with trauma-induced Fibromyalgia. My main symptoms were localized pain – especially in my chest, hips and pressure points, headaches, internal tremors and massive weakness in my extremities. Some days I could hardly function, as in I could hardly do anything beyond lay on a couch and cry. I’m still trying to figure out what’s Fibro, what’s just being out of shape or just a part of being old. It’s a very confusing, horrible and awful thing to have that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

About 6 months after my last car accident, I got my period. Not a big deal, except that it stayed for 15 months. Straight. I’ll spare you all the gory details but will tell you that it wasn’t your ordinary run of the mill period, it was like a scene from The Shining. I’m fairly certain that I also single-handedly kept the Always maxi-pad franchise afloat for the entire year. I was poked and prodded, had ultrasounds and biopsies and CT scans and all sorts of other goodness with no real answers ever found. At about the one year mark, I received my first blood transfusion as I was basically a walking ghost that was starting to have trouble even staying upright. Within a week of that, I started iron transfusions. They were super hard on my body, as I was so depleted and weak, that surviving those was a battle of its own. I enjoyed collapsed veins, bruises and many needle holes but all of the delicious hospital ice that I could eat, so it wasn’t all bad. 3 months later, I went through the whole transfusion process again, and was finally approved for a hysterectomy.  I joyfully planned my Goodbye Uterus party, but within a month, my surgery dream was taken away as my BMI was 1 point too high for my surgeons hospital. To say that I was upset would be an understatement as I was still bleeding, and was so sick of feeling so awful. My surgeon was angry that I had been turned down so he referred me to his mentor who just so happened to be one of the top doctors in the province. In hindsight, I’m thankful that my surgery was cancelled as my body probably wouldn’t have handled it all the well and I would’ve ended up in a worse boat than I was already in. Instead, this fabulous new doctor said let’s start at the beginning and try the simplest things first. A week after meeting him, I had an IUD inserted. A week after that, I stopped bleeding. He did more testing and it was determined that I was very peri-menopausal, and that my body in all of it’s fabulous-ness slammed itself into that menopausal wall and went berserk. That was all that was wrong. Angry girly parts, and an extra early stop on the menopause train.

I was still very weak, in a bunch of pain and had an immune system that was hardly functioning. My adrenal glands and my liver were angry and very upset with me, but for the first time in a really long time, I had hope that relief was on the horizon. I knew that it was time to change my life and my habits but wasn’t exactly sure how. I was soon diagnosed with malnutrition, and I knew that my change would have to start with food. But how? I was 100 pounds overweight, suffering from malnutrition and living a life filled with pain. It had been 4 months of me pondering what I was going to do when I walked into The Medicine Shoppe and my coach asked me if I was ready to get better. I said Yes, and here we are.

So, what has changed?

  • I no longer have to take any supplemental iron, which you may or may not know, is actually pretty tough on your body.
  • I am no longer in constant pain. I now have bad days as opposed to always bad ones, but I almost always know why they’re happening. Stress & doing way more than I should cause me pain, but I can change that.
  • I now feel rested when I wake up in the morning, even though I only sleep about 5 hours/night.
  • I’ve more or less been able to give up sugar, and don’t suffer from the highs and lows that brings about.
  • I no longer spend half my day on the couch crying in pain or feeling defeated because I wasn’t able to accomplish anything yet again.
  • I have energy. I can think clearly. I feel so much better about myself.
  • I am losing weight.

It’s been a really rough couple of weeks, and I needed to write this all out, not just for you guys but for me as well. I needed to remind myself of where I was, and how incredibly awful my life had become. I needed to remember the reasons that I began this journey in the first place. I needed the reminder that I had to take time to focus on myself.

I’ve let life get in my way again. I’ve let circumstances control the choices that I’m making for myself and I can’t do that anymore. I need to completely buy into my program, and actually do what my coach tells me to do. I need to drink the water. I need to eat the food. All of it. I need to stop being such a twit and allowing my crazy life to dictate my journey.

I am getting better, which I’m very thankful for. But “getting better” isn’t enough anymore, it’s time to do better and just be better. Today I’m choosing to not be so complacent and just satisfied with being content.

I am a Mom. I am a Wife. I am a Foster Parent. I have 7 children, a cat & a dog. I have Fibro. I have an insane schedule and almost zero time for myself.

Thankfully, I am also really good at getting my way and finishing first. And that is exactly what I plan on doing – winning the game that I have been playing and losing all of my life. Consider this the beginning of the second half, that’s where the game gets the most exciting anyways.

Game-On people. Game-On.

 

 

  • CONSIDERING JOINING ME ON IDEAL PROTEIN?  There’s still lots of room on my team. I have an excellent coach & team The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park. They’ve graciously made an offer for all of my friends that want to join me in this adventure. If you let them know that you read this blog and want to join my Dream Team of Losers, they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. If you want more info, send me a message. Or reach out to the Coach here.

 

The Week 16 Woosh

It’s been 4 months since I started this new way of eating and living, and if I’m being completely honest, it’s been the longest and shortest 16 weeks of my life. I realize that makes zero sense, but let me explain.

When I started this, all I wanted was to just feel better. To have less pain and more good days than bad days. Less headaches, less shaking and a much clearer head. Losing weight was just going to be a side effect of all the new healthy choices that I was making. Getting skinny was never my goal.

But then it got hard, really hard.

I was feeling better, which I was very thankful for. But the “side effects” that I was trying desperately not to focus on were becoming my measurement of success. These things were tangible. I could look in a mirror and see a difference. I could stand on the scale and watch the numbers go down. I could buy smaller clothes. I could pick up something off the floor without feeling like my body was in the way. These things suddenly mean something to me. My weight has become my measure of success.

In saying that though, I still don’t care what I weigh. Not the number anyway, well I think I don’t care. I like that the numbers are getting smaller, but I still have no idea what the number ever is. My coach always says Good Job, and I always have to ask if I lost. I really couldn’t tell you what I weigh. My weightloss has now become my measure of success, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.

I really don’t want to focus on my weight because the rest of the world already does enough of that for me, but my brain is feeling something different from what my heart wants. My head is in such a weird place as I try to work through all of these changes. I’ve never spent this much time trying to focus on myself and my needs. I’ve never really paid all that much attention to what I ate. Or what I did or didn’t do physically. Now I’ve got a coach that wants to know what and when I’m eating, and an Apple Watch that is constantly beeping at me telling me to stand up and move, or to Breathe and focus. This is, without question, the strangest place I’ve ever been.

Strange but good, and incredibly difficult all at the same time.

I’m having a hard time eating all the healthy food that I’m supposed to because it seems like it takes forever to chew it all. I used to have no problem eating 3 times the same amount in crappy food, and now when I look at my plate filled with goodness, I feel overwhelmed. Why do nachos and cactus cut fries just slide down your throat so easily anyways? I used to be able to drink 4 or 5 refills of Diet Coke when I’d go out for dinner, and now I can hardly get through 2 glasses of ice water. I’m not avoiding the good food, it just seems like it’s so much harder to eat. Maybe this is what satiated and full actually feels like. Hhhmmm….weird.

In spite of all these crazy thoughts, these 16 weeks have flown right by. I absolutely love Ideal Protein and the support that I’m getting, and I’m looking forward to all that comes in the next part of my journey.

I’m hopeful that the next 16 weeks will be where my “choices” become habits and that I won’t have to think about them quite so hard. That I will finally be able to shop in ANY store and not just the plus-size ones. That I will start to appreciate cooking a whole lot more. And that I will finally be able to stop thinking of myself as being on a diet.

I’m looking forward to just being.

What did Week 16 bring me?

  • A week in Banff with the Husband AND I stayed on plan. (I ignored the call of the Beaver Tail)
  • A new point of view in my brain
  • A new appreciation for cauliflower and how easily it can be turned into something super tasty.
  • I ate ALL my food this week, and I lost 6 more pounds. Guess eating does effect your weight. LOL.

 

 

  • CONSIDERING JOINING ME ON IDEAL PROTEIN?  As always, remember that if you mention that you read my blog when you head into  The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park, they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. Great savings!! If you want more info, send me a message and I’ll help you on your journey. Or you can reach out to the Coach here.

Weeks 14 and 15, and Getting in my Own Way

The past 2 weeks have really sucked on the eating healthy to get better train. In fact, it’s pretty much been the exact opposite of that. It’s been two weeks of woe is me, I feel like crap, I look like crap and I really, really want to eat crap. Its been a two-week blip on what seems like a really, really long trip.

I’m still amazed at how easy it is for me to fall right back into old patterns. It seems to always happen the second I lose focus. Or the second I get so busy that I forget to think. Or when I decide that celery is pretty much the most awful thing and that nachos would be so much better. It’s so easy to forget.

The last month of school is absolute insanity for me as I’m in this constant state of running, and assessments and placement meetings and all sorts of craziness. It basically consumes me and in that consumption, I get stuck. I don’t eat, I live on ice water and adrenaline and hope for the best. Thankfully, this time I’ve had some healthy shakes and foods to keep me one step above starving, but as usual, I’ve put my very real needs on the back burner and just existed.

How in the world does taking the time to eat become something that you just stop doing? Is making a salad or chewing on some raw vegetables really all that big of a deal? I’ve spent the last 30 years living on toast for 2 meals a day, and now that I need to make better choices and eat healthier, it feels like food prep take FOREVER. It’s like torture. Who knew that washing lettuce and putting it in a bag would be the thing that put me over the edge?

I don’t have time to prepare food. I don’t have time to plan. I don’t have time to find the time. Now that I’m forcing myself to look at my life and my choices, I’m starting to see how much control food has had in my life. How it has always been this thing that was always there, contributing to how I looked and how I felt. It has been like it’s own living and breathing presence in my life and then I had children. At that point, my relationship with food changed. It kind of become a nothing, a “nothing” that consisted of eating whatever, whenever I wanted. Or eating nothing at all. My relationship with food has always been about extremes, and then adding the busyness of being a Mom and loving someone more than I loved myself, that extreme went out of control.

There’s a reason why women get heavier once they have children, they shift the focus from themselves and put all of it on their children. It’s what Mama’s do. It’s what Mama’s are supposed to. Food becomes something that needs to be eaten quickly and on the run. Or it’s the thing that comforts you at midnight when you’ve finally collapsed on the couch. It’s fast food, quick fixes and “whatever’s easy”. You make good healthy choices for your kids but not for yourself, because the focus has changed. How in the world does a Mom shift that focus back to herself? How do you find the balance in being a great Mom, and a great advocate for yourself? HOW DO YOU DO THAT? I just can’t figure it out. I can’t actually find the words or the willpower or the whatever it is that I’m missing to make myself a priority. I’ve heard the whole “put on your own oxygen mask before you help someone else” spiel many times. And the “what good are you to anyone else if you’re not healthy” statements more times than I can count. I’ve heard them, I agree with them, but I just cannot implement them. I just can’t find the balance.

As I work through this journey of losing myself and finding me, this is the thing that continues to trip me up. It is this, not Iced Capps and cupcakes, it’s ME. And a whole lot of excuses as to why I can’t choose better and just shut-up and do better. I know what I have to do. I know that the task truly isn’t that difficult. I know that I can find the time. I know that I’m the thing that’s holding me back. Now to figure out how to get out of my own way, and to stay out if forever.

I will not be defeated by busyness and a pile of vegetables. I am so much stronger than a head of lettuce.

What did these 2 weeks bring me?

A weight gain of 3 lbs.

More inches lost and more clothes to get rid of.

The hope that I have finally found the strength to put me first.

 

 

  • I’m super thankful for my coach right now and the Ideal Protein products as they are helping me through these tough weeks, and helping me find my way back. (And for those of you wondering, I am still eating, I’m just not eating enough).               CONSIDERING JOINING ME ON IDEAL PROTEIN?  As always, remember that if you that you read my blog when you head into  The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park, they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. Great savings!! If you want more info, send me a message and I’ll help you on your journey. Or you can reach out to the Coach here.

 

 

 

Week 13 and the Happiest Turtle Ever

Week 13 was a good week for me. I’m not sure why, but it was just a “good feeling” week. It was also a week of a lot of thinking and pondering and debating with myself.

As someone that’s overweight and on an never-ending diet, I’m the member of a lot of weight loss groups. I read a lot of posts, see a lot of new and awesome products and look at a lot of before and after photos. I’ve also been on more diets and followed more plans than I can ever even begin to write down. I’ve lost 100+ pounds on three different occasions. I am a professional dieter that has mastered the art of a quick fix and the ability to lose weight quickly. Problem is, I suck at changing myself and getting better. I can lose it almost as fast as I can gain it back. I’m so good at it that I should actually figure out how to add that skill to my resume.  🙂

Reality is, you don’t end up 100 lbs over weight by just overeating. It is so much bigger than that. It’s unhealthy choices, unhealthy habits and more often than not, the putting of oneself on the back burner. It’s about people choosing to put others first while they languish in the background. It’s about people who have lost hope and don’t feel like they can ever change. It’s about accepting where you’re at and either loving life or completely giving up. It’s about all or none of these things. Don’t ever think that losing 100 lbs is all about calories, because it isn’t. Trust me, my calorie intake is the least of my worries.

For me, I’ve always been floundering in the middle. I’ve never hated myself, never been depressed about my weight, never felt lonely or unlovable, never felt ugly or gross. I’ve always been very okay with who I am, despite of how I looked. But in saying that, I think that I turned my weight into a non-issue, which has both good and bad sides. I should have cared, not because of how I looked, but because I needed to think more about myself. Physically, mentally and spiritually. I deserved better than what I was accepting, and that is where I went wrong. I became okay with just being okay.

When I restarted this journey for what I’m calling “the first all-in time I’m on a diet”, my first instinct was to find the quickest and easiest way to lose weight. My first thought was that I needed to lose weight quickly so I’d feel better sooner. It still wasn’t about pounds, but it was about getting out of pain and discomfort as soon as possible. My head was still blaming everything on my weight, as opposed to my choices and/or my circumstances. BUT, I remembered my past diets and my crazy weight losing and gaining abilities and stopped myself from going in that direction.

I CANNOT LOSE WEIGHT AT WARP SPEED. I need to focus on me, my horrible bad habits, my historically bad choices and my lackadaisical outlook on life. My ability to be content in the midst of chaos and pain isn’t healthy. My willingness to give up all I am so that others may have it is an awesome thing, in theory. I’m just now understanding that I need to hang onto some of that for myself. I need time and a quick fix or a super fast loss will do nothing but change what I see in the mirror. Thankfully, I see that now.

When I started on the Ideal Protein journey, I knew that I had found something that worked for me. It’s forcing me to pay attention to myself and to actually be aware of not only what I’m eating, but how I’m feeling. The weekly check-in’s are keeping me accountable and keeping me out of my own head. Cause let me tell you, every time I see a before and after pic of someone that’s lost 25 lbs in 3 weeks, my brain wants to jump off my slow moving boat and get on that speedy one. This “diet” choice is also the first time, in all my years of dieting, that I haven’t felt like I’m on a diet. I’m tasting food that I’ve never even tried before. I’m feeling satiated after eating a big, healthy salad which still totally weirds me out by the way. My cravings for sugary goodness and midnight nachos have pretty much hit the road. And I feel good, my head gets a little bit more clear everyday and my body seems to be much less angry at me. This journey has truly been a gift to me and my family.

The run away from Fat April is not a race but a nice slow leisurely jog, and frankly, I’ve never liked sprinting. I’m one fine and happy fat Turtle.

Week 13 brought me this.

  • A massive revelation.
  • A new appreciation for my journey.
  • My worst bowling score ever. I SUCK at bowling.
  • Results. 33 lbs down, and 6 inches have disappeared from my waist.

 

  • CONSIDERING JOINING ME ON IDEAL PROTEIN?  As always, remember that if you mention that you read my blog when you head into  The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park, they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. Great savings!! If you want more info, send me a message and I’ll help you on your journey. Or you can reach out to the Coach here.