I’m sure that many of you are assuming that I finally quit and gave up on my diet as I basically just disappeared. Thankfully, you’d mostly be wrong.
I didn’t quit, I just got completely stuck in my life and the incredibly busy but very successful launch of my new business. I literally had zero spare minutes to do anything outside of make products to sell. It was a ridiculous but fabulous experience, but now I need to get myself back on track.
I’m fairly disappointed in myself though as I immediately fell back into my old patterns of ignoring myself and my needs to take care of the tasks at hand. As per usual, I stopped eating, I didn’t take any of my medications or vitamins, I drank almost no water but more than a couple of Coke Zeros. I SO thought I had a better handle on this crap, but here I was, in the middle of this crazy train and I was right back to the beginning of my journey.
This whole putting yourself first thing is WAY harder than I ever dreamed it would be. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve had to try and conquer before and I’m so annoyed that I just can’t beat it. It’s frustrating enough that it’s almost enough for me to just pack it all in and give it up. I’ve honestly thought about just walking away from this journey and just living my life.
It’s so dumb but this overwhelming feeling of “I suck so bad” was becoming almost stronger than my resolve to just get to the end of my journey. I’ve had more than a few dark moments this last month as I’ve floundered about in the chaos and I’ve come very close to just avoiding my coach for the rest of my life.
And then a friend shared this picture online.
That was me on December 31 of last year.
It is the first picture I’ve seen of myself where I actually see a difference. I am NOT that same person anymore. I am not only smaller, but I’m so less tired, so less sore and just overall “better”.
I need to remember that. I also really needed to see this picture. It will serve as the new image in my brain that reminds me that in spite of all of my shortcomings and my failures, I have done well. I have changed. I have actually accomplished something.
This journey has not been perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but that’s me. Imperfectly perfect, and all kinds of messy.
In acknowledgment of that, I’ve reset all the alarms in my phone to remind me to take my meds & vitamins. I’ve got my fitness tracker turned on. I’m writing down everything I eat and holding myself accountable. I’m meal planning. I’m drinking water again. And I’m back here, online with all of you.
Day One of 2018 is in the bag. I can do this.
What has this month shown me?
- That I’m not “fixed”, but I’m most definitely fixable.
- That I need to be gentler with myself and be okay with not always being okay.
- That I do, in fact, really, really want to finish what I’ve started.
- That I need to tell my coach that I ate whatever I wanted for 7 days straight. 🙂 Sorry, Not Sorry. Thank-you for always being on my side, it’s so nice knowing that someone is in my corner.
- That 2018 will be MY year.
WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS JOURNEY? The best way to learn more about the Ideal Protein plan is to register for a free information session. You can find out when the next sessions are on this page. Anyone attending the info session will earn a voucher for 1/2 the registration fee should you choose to join the program. And if you mention that you learned about them by reading my blog, you will also earn a special welcome bonus. My coach is based out of Sherwood Park at the local Medicine Shoppe pharmacy and he and his team are INCREDIBLE. You can reach out to the Coaching team here.