Tag Archives: fat girl

A Letter from a Fat Girl to my Young Friend

I see you looking at yourself in the mirror and hating the reflection you see.

I hear the words that are spinning out of control inside your head telling you that you are not good enough.

I can feel your heart breaking as loneliness consumes you.

I can taste your tears as they roll down your cheeks and touch your lips.

I can smell your fear when you walk into school bracing yourself for another day of murmurs and judgments from the kids around you.

I see and hear and taste and smell and feel all of these things and it makes me so angry. And heartbroken. And I just want to hug you and tell you that you are going to be just fine.

I also want to tell you right now that your senses are wrong. They are liars and they are not telling you the truth. Mirrors and stupid kids don’t know who you are and as such, they do not matter. You can not be described and understood through a reflection. Stop believing that.

How do I know this? Because I am you.

I was and still am the fat girl looking in the mirror.

I’ve doubted myself and felt like everyone hated me because of what I looked like.

I heard the names and the ignorant comments and I still hear them today.

I’ve been excluded from things because I didn’t quite fit in with my “friends” idea of what I should look like or how I should behave.

I’ve felt like I wasn’t good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or funny enough based solely on the person I saw when I looked in the mirror.

I SO get where you are but I want to give you hope because it does get better. This is YOUR story, it doesn’t belong to anyone else so stop letting them write the chapters.

When you look in the mirror, you need to look past the reflection and look into your heart.

Who are you? What makes you great? What kind of friend are you? What kind of daughter? What kind of sister? What are your beliefs? What makes you laugh? What makes you happy? What are you good at? What brings you joy? How do you help others? What difference are you making in the world?

These are the things that matters. These are the things that make you who you are and they are the things that will draw people to you AND make them want to stay. These are the things that will help you feel your strength and know your worth. These are the things that will give you confidence and help you feel safe. These are the things that will help you change the world.

Your reflection in the mirror can’t do ANY of that.

If your friends aren’t supportive of you and love you no matter what, they are NOT your friends. If they talk behind your back and call you names, they are not your friends. If they tease you and/or don’t invite you to their events, they are not your friends. Frankly, you’re better off alone than being surrounded by fake, sad people. Don’t ever forget that.

If you can’t shop for clothes in the same stores as your friends, go to a different store. Who cares where your clothes come from, just put something on. If you can’t keep up with your friends in phys ed class, and that gives everyone a good laugh, oh well. They’re pointing out your weakness to make themselves look better, how sad it that? Try your best, that is what makes you great.

If boys don’t seem to like you, hang on, it will happen. Boys like hips and boobs, they’ll find you, I promise. Good thing is, they also like strong and confident women just as much, if not more, so work on becoming that. Boobs fall, bellies get round, and butts start to jiggle. Confidence and strength are forever, FIND THOSE and forget about the perfect reflection, cause Bah, that does not matter. WHO YOU ARE will always be more important and memorable than what you look like.

Stop comparing yourself to everyone around you because I can most definitely guarantee you that you don’t know all that’s going on with your friends. We all hide our crap and pretend to be perfect when more often than not, we’re all struggling and kicking our feet to stay above water. What you see is almost never true. Your perfect friends are hating what they see in their mirrors as well, you are so not alone in your journey. Don’t wish you were them, because you may not like the life that wish brings you.

Size 2 or Size 22, our greatness come from within. People will remember what you DID long after they forget what you look like.

So, the next time you look in mirror and you hear the nonsense creeping back in, turn your eyes and look my way instead because I SEE YOU. I see the girl that I once was and I know how freaking amazing you are. I found myself buried deep within this fluffy shell and I know you can too. Please look for that girl and let her out. The world really, really wants to meet her.

Close your mirror, put on your sassy pants and step into your life.

You are enough.

 

 

 

 

 

The Road to Skinny …. Following the Rules

Well, yesterday was my bi-weekly weigh-in and the results were pretty good.

I spent the last 2 weeks actually following all of my coaches orders. I ate, and I ate, and I ate. More food than I’ve eaten in a really long time. I took my vitamins, drank copious amounts of water and did exactly what I was supposed to do.

Overall, I felt great, outside of this evil sinus infection that just. won’t. die. I slept well, still didn’t convince myself to exercise, but I made it through another 2 weeks. Yeah Me!

I lost another 9lb’s and 6 more inches. And even better news, my body fat percentage went down which means I’m not losing lean mass, which means I’m doing the right thing for my body.

This year WILL be the final chapter in my Fat April story. I know it, I feel it and I love it.

Last week, I also joined a great little group on Facebook called Mission Slim Possible. It’s a bunch of people wanting to achieve some big goals this year – health & exercise wise. They’re all there to support and encourage and lift each other up. They’re going to inspire me to exercise … hasn’t happened yet, but it will. LOL. I did manage to download a 7 minute exercise app though, so that counts for something right?? (Yes, I’m that lazy that I count that action as exercise).

I’m grateful for their honest and open hearts, and their daily words of encouragement. Our stories are all very different but our goals are the same. We all want more. We all want better. We all want change.

Wherever you are in your “get skinny/healthy” journey, find yourself a support system somewhere. If it can’t be your spouse, find a good friend. If your friends are as unmotivated as you are, find a group of workout buddies. Just find something or someone to help you get through this adventure. If you’re in the same boat as me, the journey will be long and tough, and not one you can do on your own.

Thankfully, I’m blessed with a good husband, great friends and an awesome coach. They are the voices that push me forward and remind me of my goals. They are my gifts in this world.

Who’s your helper? Go find one. Now.

See you in 2 weeks.

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IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE, PLEASE CONTACT MY COACHES HERE. Be sure to let them know that April sent you.

The Road to Skinny … Keep on Keeping On

One year has come and gone, and I’m half way to my goal. I hoped to be much farther along, but half way is what I achieved, and well, I’m okay with that.

This has been my year for self–discovery and I think if I would’ve lost more, faster, I wouldn’t have figured some things out. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to taking care of myself, and even though I always knew that, I don’t think I truly got it. Now I do.

By nature, I put others before myself. In all things, and in all ways. I don’t see that changing, but I now see that I have to find some time for me in there somewhere. I know that If I’m going to be of any use to anyone, I need to be okay. Physically, mentally, spiritually and health wise … I have to claim these things for myself and stop ignoring their importance. I’m such a twit sometimes.

I spend a tonne of time thinking about food, but very little time eating it. I had no idea how little I actually ate in a day, until I had to keep track of it. It’s such a weird thing to wrap my head around as here I was a fat girl basically living in a state of malnutrition. So crazy. Now, I struggle with the same thing but in a different way. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I can’t live on nachos and cupcakes, so I just kind of don’t really care about food. I still hate 94% of all veggies, so getting good healthy food into my body is fairly challenging some days.

I know what I need to do to be healthy, but my brain doesn’t always seem to want to agree. I know what I have to eat, the supplements I need to take, and the exercise that I must do but I still fight it. It’s so stupid, but everyday I have to MAKE myself choose better.

I’m lazy. Not when it comes to life, or business, or helping others, but when it comes to me. I have zero desire to exercise or get off the couch. Zero desire. It’s almost scary.

I’m ready to change things. I always thought I was, but looking back, I really wasn’t. I’m there now, and excited that this lifelong journey will be coming to an end. 40 years of being overweight, and not all that healthy are coming to an end. 2013 was the year I lost 70lbs, 2014 is going to be the year that “healthy” becomes my normal.

I’m officially back on Ideal Protein, and actually listening to my coaches. (I never quit the program, I just wasn’t following all the rules. As in wasn’t eating nearly enough, not taking my vitamins, etc., etc.). I still absolutely love the program and know that it’s the right thing for me, so I’m excited to continue on it.

I’m getting weighed in and measured every 2 weeks, and will report back here to all of you. Not just about pounds and inches, but how I’m feeling, how my brain is doing and the goals for the next couple of weeks. Hopefully, that little bit of accountability and effort will keep me focused on where I’m going. Thanks in advance for being a part of my “team”.

Now to stop being my own stumbling block, and to get this DONE.

Shut-up head, you’re no longer driving this bus.

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IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE, PLEASE CONTACT MY COACHES HERE. Be sure to let them know that April sent you.

The Fat Girl Responds

When I wrote my letter, I SO wasn’t expecting the response that it received. For 3 days straight, it was everywhere I looked. Facebook, Twitter and even Pinterest. It was shared so many times that I lost count. It became so much more than it was ever intended to be, as my words had become the voice of many. Truth be told, I had just written it because I was mad. I wasn’t hurt and I wasn’t sad, I was just a “fat girl” who was done.

I received more responses and private messages that I ever even dreamed possible and I thank-you for all of them. Many of them were sent with love and encouragement, and some challenged me and I first want to respond to those ones.

Number One. I’m Fat, and I totally own that. By calling myself that name, I’m in no way demeaning myself, I’m calling it like it is. I’m also a brunette with size 11 feet. Those are facts. “Fat” is just a word. Calling someone fat and lazy, or unloveable because they’re fat, or walking by while making cow noises is a whole different ballgame. There is a HUGE difference.

Number Two. Yes, I’m on a diet and trying to lose weight. Well, I’m actually not even on a diet, I’m on a journey that involves me taking better care of myself. If I lose weight, awesome. If I don’t, I’m in an amazing place and I’m happy. Me trying to lose weight, in no way, means that I hate myself or am unsatisfied in my life. My letter and my personal journey in no way contradict each other.

Number Three. Yes, name calling hurts. BUT I have MADE THE CHOICE to not let it hurt me. I’m choosing to believe that my outward appearance isn’t who I am. You can also make the same choices that I have. If we give people the power to tear us down, they will. Keep that power for yourself and kick the haters to the curb. Period.

Many of the other comments absolutely broke my heart, as the majority of the people that sent them weren’t ‘feeling” the same confidence and peace that I do. They’re feeling defeat and like they’re “less than” because someone told them so. Strangers and even “friends” are constantly beating each other down with their words. It’s so stinking sad.

I also received messages or saw comments saying “she landed a hot husband”, and “she scored with him”, or other things along that same line. Problem is, that judgement of how great my husband is was based on nothing more than his appearance. He is a wonderful man, and indeed I’m blessed to have him in my life, but you can’t tell that by looking at him. People were doing the exact thing that I was standing up against. I totally recognize that it wasn’t done maliciously and that people were saying it as a compliment to me, but it was still an appearance based judgement none-the-less.

Calling someone fat is one of the few “socially acceptable” slurs still floating around. Think about it. How often do you hear fat jokes and laugh? How often are you out with friends and an overweight person walks by and someone makes an ignorant comment? How often do you, yourself say “look how fat she is”? We’ve all done it at one point or another and it needs to stop.

Reality is, this isn’t just about fat people, it’s about people in general. We REALLY need to stop judging each other based on physical features alone. Why does it matter what people look like? And why does that determine whether or not we should tease or make fun them? Why can’t you see a person, and just think of them as a person, and nothing more? Why do I need to be “Fat April” as opposed to just April? If you spend time getting to know me and THEN decide that you don’t like me, thank-you. That’s exactly how it should be.

In all honesty, watching people around us quite often inspires us to become better ourselves. Seeing someone that’s overweight and thinking that I don’t want to be that, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Seeing a homeless person living on the streets and not wanting that life, may drive home why we want to work harder to avoid that. Seeing someone with tattoos all across their face or a million piercings may just verify why we choose to do or not do that. Noticing people and how they present themselves in itself isn’t a bad thing. Calling them out on it because it doesn’t align with your idea of perfect, IS.

I think it’s totally unreasonable to expect people to stop making judgements and to start only seeing people for what they are and not what they look like. In a perfect world, that would happen, but we’re not in that place. We are a society that is totally “looks” based and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I’d love for us all to make a personal effort to try to not pre-judge people and hopefully, one day we’ll see a huge difference in our world. But in the meantime, I challenge you all to just be kinder to your fellow-man.

Make your judgements, but shut your yap. If you don’t find someone attractive, okay, don’t date them. If overweight people just aren’t your “thing”, that’s fine, choose differently. If you think super skinny people aren’t good looking, that’s your prerogative. If you don’t want to cover your body in tattoos, more power to you. This world is a huge place, we are always going to find someone who we’re attracted to or we have something in common with. If we stopped pre-judging, we might just make some awesome new friends. People that might really affect our lives, challenge our thinking or bring us unspeakable joy.

So the next time you see someone who doesn’t fit your picture of what the “ideal” person should look like, just smile and go on your way. I’m not asking you to stop and ask them out for coffee, I’m asking you to treat them like human beings. We all don’t need to like each other or become friends, but we don’t need to be hurtful. Be respectful. Be gracious. And for pete’s sake, really truly treat people how you want to be treated.

Frankly, our relationships shouldn’t all be based on whether or not we would think that person would look good naked or whether or not you’d “tap that”. If you’re not attracted to me, I’m totally okay with that. But don’t for one second think that because you “think” you look better than me that I’m thinking you’re “God’s gift”. I’ll be waiting for you to open your mouth and actually speak to me. Your words will help me determine your value, and if you choose to call me a Fat Cow, feel free to consider yourself “judged”.

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A Letter from a Fat Girl to the World

Today I was out buying some groceries and had the absolute joy of being surrounded by ignorant people. Not one time, but three times did someone make a comment about my weight. I heard these words …. “Who’d date that”, “Fat Cow” and “Holy, Big Mama”. I’ve heard this crap my whole life, but today was an award-winning day of stupid. Today I feel like saying something about it, so I’m writing them a letter. A letter from this Fat Girl.

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Dear Mr. & Mrs. Perfect that isn’t overweight and believe that based on that alone, that you are better than those of us that aren’t like you. I want you to know that you’re wrong. You are stupid. You are ignorant. And you are missing out on some incredible people, experiences and relationships because of it. You are the one losing out here, not me.

When you called me fat, it was shocking, I had no idea. Thank-you for telling me and because of you, I can now lose weight and get skinny. I wish I’d know years ago. Thanks Captain Obvious, I know I’m fat, you haven’t told me anything I don’t already know. Shut-up.

I am not a lonely loser and sitting at home pining away for a man. In fact, I’ve been married for almost 20 years to an amazing man, who just so happened to marry me in spite of my fat-ness.

And he looks like this ….     Kevin    … so there.

Yes, a totally buff and muscular body-builder chose me to be his wife. Shocking huh?  So maybe, just maybe I’ve actually got some value that’s greater than what I look like. Yes, he chose me, I didn’t kidnap him and force him to marry me.

I am not sitting at home eating cookies and cake all day, and in fact, I probably accomplish a whole lot more than many of you that are judging me. I own and operate two successful business, I have 2 of my own children, and am also a foster parent to a minimum of 2 additional children at any given time. I long for a day filled of eating bon-bons and nothingness.

I am beautiful. In fact, I get told that a minimum of 2 times/day by total strangers. I may not be skinny, but I’m attractive and people are drawn to my demeanor. I’m gracious, I smile at everyone, and I treat everyone with respect. I’d rather be known for that than skinny any day. If you would rather be skinny than a decent human being, your life is going to suck. A lot.

I have birthed 2 children, and as such, it’s changed my body. Frankly, until you’ve had a minimum of 2, 9 pound human beings push themselves out of your nether regions, you should probably just shush. Enjoy your 20-year-old skinny, perfect body and give me a call in about 10 years. Just sayin.

I live a VERY full and fabulous life. I am not lonely or sad. I live in a beautiful home and drive a really nice vehicle. I’ve written stories for magazines and have done public speaking engagements. People come to me for advice and help ALL THE TIME. Who knew a fat person could actually contribute something to this world? Craziness, I know.

I challenge YOU to look at the important people in YOUR life. How many of them are overweight?? I’m guessing more than a few, and somehow, you’re able to love them in spite of their weight. Why do you think it’s okay to treat me as “lesser than” based solely on my appearance. You don’t know me, what I believe in, what I do, where I’ve come from or where I’m going. The “extra body” that I carry does not determine my worth. I don’t judge you based on your slouchy pants, caked-on make-up, badly behaved children and bad breath. I see those things as exactly that, things. Things do not a person make.

I am SO very blessed to be surrounded by other stong, intelligent and world-changing women that ALL don’t fit the “perfect image” that society demands. Instead of judging me by what I look like, judge me for what I do. I’m okay with that, in fact, I challenge you to do exactly that. Call me on my mistakes and shortcomings, but don’t you dare judge me on the size of my clothing.

Thankfully, my parents raised me right, and I KNOW my value. I know my worth and just how awesome I am. But I also know that many overweight people aren’t like me and are struggling to just fit in and belong, so I not only wrote this letter for me but for them.

I am smart, I am caring, I am kind, I am helpful, I do things that other people refuse to do, I love my fellow-man, I’m a business owner, I’m a mother, I’m a daughter, and I’m a wife. I have a name and it’s not “fat cow”. It’s April. Never forget that.

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