Well, as per usual, I’ve fallen behind in my storytelling and have let 2 more weeks slide right by. I’ve been super busy and haven’t found a whole lot of free moments to write, but if I’m being brutally honest, I just didn’t want to write. Not for any particular reason, or because things were falling apart, but because I just wasn’t feeling it.
What I have been feeling is a fair amount of disappointment. And annoyance. And frustration. And a whole lot of defeat.
It’s been almost 10 months, and it’s hard to not feel like I should be SO MUCH farther ahead in this journey than I am. I just keep bouncing up and down and all around a 60 lb loss. I can’t seem to move past it, and I slide away from it more times than I’d like to admit. But here I sit .. stuck.
I have friends on other plans that are losing weight like crazy. I see other people on the same plan as me and they’re doing way better. I see all the weightloss ads and commercials and question myself and my slow turtle like pace that I seem to be stuck at. I see all of these things and my brain tries to convince me that I suck. That I’m a failure and that I should just give up.
And that’s where the annoyance kicks in. Why do I still get in my own way? Why haven’t I figured out how to shut up my brain up yet? Why can’t I just say, Hokey Dinah, losing 60 lbs is a BIG thing? I’m so annoying and frustrating … to myself. I’m hoping that the “still very motivated and wanting to finish” side of my brain will take over the other “wussy, whiny and difficult” side much sooner than later so I can actually finish what I’ve started. I need my head to just be quiet.
On the flip-side though, in the midst of this frustration, I was able to get myself more focused and back on track. I think that because I’ve been plugging along for so long now that I was letting the little things slide. I ‘d become stuck in this holding pattern and assumed that I was still following the plan and doing what I needed to. Yeah, No, that really wasn’t the case anymore. I was still doing pretty good, but I’m hoping that it’s these tiny little things that have been slowing me down. And now that I’ve spotted them, I know what to do about them.
I’ve turned the alarms back on, pulled out my food journal and fired up the apps and it seems to be helping me. It’s giving me something else to focus on as opposed to the lack of faith in myself. It’s the little reminders to do all the things that I seem to forget. They’re the sounds that pull me out of my head and put me back on track.
Yes, I’ve got alarms to remind me to eat and to go to bed. My phone beeps to remind me to take my vitamins and meds. I’ve got a watch that’s constantly telling me to stand up and get moving. I’ve got a journal that I’m forcing myself to write in, I say forcing because I hate doing it, and because it shows me the bad choices that I’ve made for myself. I’ve got an encouraging husband and an incredible coach.
I need to remember to hold onto these things and these helpers because sometimes their strength is the only strength I have.
So, in spite of my weakness, I’m here and I’m feeling MUCH stronger than I did even a week ago. Don’t be alarmed by all the beeps and bells when I’m in the room with you and if you catch me online or texting after my bedtime, please tell me to go to bed. I need all of you to help me see this journey through to the end. I still can’t do this on my own, so please lend me some of your strength for a little while so I can keep running.
I look forward to seeing you all at the finish line.
What did these past 2 weeks show me?
- That Peri-Menopause and Weight Loss aren’t the greatest of friends.
- That I need to drink more water, even though I was CONVINCED that I was drinking a ridiculous amount already.
- That I do SO much better when I do food prep, and only have to cook once/week. Cause, seriously cooking is the worst.
- That I miss flip-flops and hate socks.
- That even a loss of only half a pound is still a loss.
WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS JOURNEY? The best way to learn more about the Ideal Protein plan is to register for a free information session. You can find out when the next sessions are on this page. Anyone attending the info session will earn a voucher for 1/2 the registration fee should you choose to join the program. And if you mention that you learned about them by reading my blog, you will also earn a special welcome bonus. My coach is based out of Sherwood Park at the local Medicine Shoppe pharmacy and he and his team are INCREDIBLE. You can reach out to the Coaching team here.