Tag Archives: life

Boom, here it is …. 100

When I wrote my very first blog post on October 10, 2011, it was in response to something that I had seen happening online. It was my way of hopefully helping people see the other side of that particular situation. It was me being “mom to many” but in a new forum. It was the beginning of something amazing.

Today, I am writing Blog Post #100. Who knew that I actually had that much to say? (I’m sure if you ask my husband or my closest friends, they’d probably laugh at that comment but whatever …..)

Over the past 2 years, I’ve been so blessed to be able to share myself and my life with all of you. It’s been an incredibly powerfulliberating and humbling experience.

When I write, I try and write with purpose and hopefully, my words have made a difference in someone’s life. Whether it be to make you smile, or make you feel more “normal“, or just inspired. I want you to leave my blog feeling like you’ve been changed, someway, somehow. Every new day is a another chance to do better and I hope that my words have helped you find just that. A better day.

Thankfully, I’ve also learned a lot about myself while writing. I am stronger, healthier and happier than I’ve ever been. I live a very blessed and fabulous life. I have an amazing husband and incredible friends and writing about them, has really helped me “see” them better. I never would’ve dreamed that by finding my voice that I’d fall more madly in love with all the things that I already have.

Writing truly is a powerful thing.

So I need to thank you. Thanks to ALL of you for following me and listening to what I’ve got to say. It has truly been an honour and a privilege to speak into your lives. Please stick around for the next 100 posts, they’re going to be awesome.

100

This post is part of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. If you want to follow along with all of us “challengers”, click on their links below. They’ve also got lots to say. Please go read … writing everyday for 30 days is TOUGH.

Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ MagzD ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy

The Hunt for a Happy Place

When I was young, I had a vision of what my life was going to look like.

I was going to be wealthy beyond measure. I was going to live in a mansion with servants. I would travel around the world and drive a really nice car. There would be much shopping, and many pairs of shoes. Jewelry, make-up and salon appointments would be a part of my daily life. It was going to be friggin’ awesome.

I met my amazing soon-to-be husband and we planned our fairy-tale wedding and then our life together. We talked about future hopes and dreams, and in my head, my vision was still alive.

We got married and we moved to another city. I didn’t move into a mansion but into a basement suite, in a place where I knew no one. I was not rich and was having to do all the cooking and cleaning myself. I was happily married, but I was not where I thought I should be. Suddenly, my vision was flung off to the side somewhere and reality set in.

I would spend days and sometimes weeks wondering if we’d be able to pay our mortgage. I was shopping in second-hand stores and only buying things that were on sale. The husband was always at work and I was home alone. I was going crazy from the peace and quiet that was now my life and I hated it.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my husband and I loved being married but I wasn’t prepared for the real world. I was 21 years old, had never lived on my own and had in fact, only lived with my parents. I never attended college and only had “life experience” to put on a resume. I was completely dependant on my husband, and had to rely on him for everything. If I needed to buy milk, or underwear or tampons, I had to ask him for money. I was madly in love, but totally trapped at the same time.

I eventually got a job, made some friends and fell in love with the city that I still call home. But for those particular moments in time, my vision had led me down a path of unrealistic expectations.

I adjusted to my new life, bills were paid, businesses started and failed. Travel and experiences occurred and then I dreamed of having children, and my wild visions went crazy again.

I was going to be a perfect Mom that bought her children only the best of everything. I was going to make their baby food, and teach them everything they needed to know. There was going to be hours spent playing and learning. I would do crafts and make up stories and play board games. They would be angels, and my life would be complete. It was going to be flippin’ fantastic.

And then I had babies. I was madly and deeply in love, but I was tired. With my first child, I had no clue what I was doing. I was fumbling about just trying to keep her alive. I let Barney and Wheel of Fortune teach her the alphabet and all of her colours. We played games and did fun things, but more often than not, I was stuck in “life” and not on her.

I then had a son, with more issues and trials than one could ever prepare for. He struggled to breathe, and learn and survive. Small everyday things challenged him in ways that were unfathomable. He was the cutest little thing, with the biggest smile and sweetest countenance, but man, was he a lot of work.

I never made a single solitary jar of baby food, I nursed them both for about 6 weeks and quit because I hated it. We tried crafts, but they both despised being dirty so that always ended in screaming. I became the Mom that loved her kids beyond measure, but one that purchased every single solitary thing from a store. I guided them and protected them and taught them how incredibly fabulous they were, but we didn’t go on nature walks or did all that much frolicking in the wilderness.

I absolutely hated myself some days and couldn’t believe how incompetent I was in many areas. I had become pretty much opposite to all that I had envisioned. I was SO not June Cleaver or even one of her long distant cousins.  Once again, my vision had set me up for failure.

Looking back now, I do know this, I raised some UNBELIEVEABLY AWESOME children. Someway, somehow, I did the right things in spite of myself, and this crazy dreamer head of mine. 30 children later, I get it. I know what’s important and what doesn’t matter. My vision was wrong, and was in no way “me”. That’s where I got lost…I was trying to create a story that belonged to someone else.

Life is a weird thing sometimes, we paint a picture and then get stuck somewhere outside of it. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t limit where you and where your path may go. Don’t set a standard that is unattainable. Don’t put unreasonable expectations on yourself or your children or your spouse. Don’t get caught up in the world’s version of perfect life, perfect wife and perfect children. That’s all crap and it doesn’t exist. Do not wait for something else, or another time or place to make you feel complete. Don’t judge yourself based on someone else’s standards.

Instead, Breathe. Enjoy the moments that you’re in, no matter how big the struggle may seem. If you can’t provide the “best” of everything, let it go. Who decided what the best stuff was anyways? If you need to run away or cry sometimes, that’s okay. If you feel like today was a complete failure, remember that there is always tomorrow. If you find yourself standing there wondering where it all went wrong, start again. Listen to your heart and find your way out to something better.

Paint yourself a new picture of “perfect” and trust in that. For me, that means happy faces running amuck and becoming people of character. They have the best of nothing, but have everything at the same time. It’s hissy fits and belly laughs. It’s unmatched socks and extra TV time. It’s unbalanced meals, unbrushed hair and a sink full of dirty laundry. It’s a husband and wife that love each other more today than they did yesterday. It is leaving this world a better place.

Let it go, and just be the best YOU that you can be. I hope you find your happy place.

charliebrown

Is it a beginning or an end?

Everyday I’m faced with the reality of just how different I am than the people I’ve surrounded myself with. Not in a bad way, but in a “one of these things is not like the other” kinda way. Sometimes I feel like there’s something missing inside of me, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to find it. Am I not supposed to desire more, or want to see and experience more things? Why is that feeling just not there?

That may not really make sense to you, and frankly, I’m not sure that it even makes all that much sense to me, but let me explain it a little bit more.

When I look at pictures of far away places and see movies and hear stories that speak of adventure and new experiences, I’m content with the place that I am in. I have no desire to go and see them. None. When I see these same things in person, I see that they are beautiful and majestic, but I don’t “feel” them. I recognize that their placement in this world and the spaces that they fill are nothing short of a miracle, but still I’m happy to just appreciate them from afar.

When I get invited to attend events and experience new things, I don’t really want to go. It’s not that I don’t recognize that they are great opportunities to learn more and to see new things, but I don’t really feel any need to experience them. It’s not that I don’t like the people who are there or don’t want to spend time with them, I actually really, really like people and love being with them. But for some reason, that’s not a strong enough pull to get me there. I’m happy when I’m there, but I know that I’d be just as happy not being there. It is the weirdest thing, and it’s really hard to even put into words.

When I receive recognition or appreciation for the things I do or say, I almost feel guilty for hearing them. I really don’t feel like I’ve done anything that should be rewarded. I feel like I was put on this earth for a reason, and everything that I say or do is a reflection of that. I want to affect the people around me, not for my sake, but for theirs. And as I write that, I know it may come across as attention seeking, but trust me, it isn’t. I don’t want awards or to be pulled up on a stage, I want none of it. I want my life to be about making other people’s lives better, not about me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love meeting new people and making new friends. I look forward to working on new ideas and starting new businesses. I love being a foster parent and the challenges that new kids bring to our world. I like expressing myself creatively through writing or design. I love my life, and the people that surround me.

But if I never did anything beyond what I’m doing today, I would be okay with that.  I am content in my life and have absolutely zero need for anything more. I literally am happy, exactly where I am.

Or so I thought.

A few weeks ago, I woke up with this incredibly strong feeling that something new was on my horizon. Something amazing that is just waiting for me to grab it and run with it. Something that may force me to step out of my contentment and comfortableness, and I’m not really sure how I feel about it.

Maybe I’m no longer content with being content. And maybe, just maybe, my normal is about to get really abnormal. Question is, am I ready to say good-bye to the old me and my old path? I really don’t know.

Are any of you in the same place as me? Are you completely satisfied with the life you’re living and don’t really feel like you need “more”? Are you waiting on the edge of a cliff, hoping that you’ll be brave enough to jump or are you just waiting for someone to throw you off? Are you ready to trust the voice inside of you that’s saying, GO. Go now.

I think it’s time to take a leap … who’s jumping with me?

The Night that was FIERCE

A week ago, a bunch of fabulous people gathered to honor some incredibly amazing women and I was blessed to be in attendance. The FIERCE awards are an annual event created to recognize and honor women that have inspired, encouraged and/or beaten odds that most would think were unbeatable. Women that are quite often working diligently and quietly in the background without seeking recognition. Women that are changing the world around them. This is the night that lets people stand up and say .. You are Fierce and You are an Inspiration.  If you’d like to read about all of the nominees, you can do that here.

It’s hard to describe the feeling of being surrounded by such strong and powerful women, without all of the usual catiness. It is a night filled with awe and emotion as we celebrate these ladies that have made a real difference. As their stories and tributes were shared, it became clear that we were all a part of something amazing. It was such an honour to be able to share those moments as a group. We laughed, cried and remembered lives that were lost this past year. We celebrated with many standing ovations and were thankful for our supplied tissue packages. It was an absolute joy to be able to recognize people who truly deserved it.

I am thankful that I’m able to call many of the nominees and presenters, friends.  2 of them are extra special to me though, as they are my best friends. They are the ones receiving the awards, but I am the one that is blessed by having them in my life. THEY are MY prize.

Last year Shandra won the Phenomenal Female award. She endured things that would’ve taken many of us down and still managed to be a light to a lot of people around her.  I highly recommend you read her story, in her own words, here. Shandra continues to grow and change and is about to begin a new and amazing journey that is going to make a difference in the lives of many. You can follow along with her life and story on her blog … I promise you, it’s worth the read.

This year Tracy won the Empower award. She spends almost all of her time building up people who are quite often ignored. She is the first person to volunteer help when it is needed. She is a problem solver like no other and she will always stand up and fight when needed. When it became known that Tracy had been nominated for the award, many people stepped forward with stories detailing how she had affected their lives. She truly is changing lives, and it’s pretty cool to watch.

Do you have women in your life that amaze you with the things they do, and the stuff that they’ve worked through. Friends that work hard at making changes in the lives of others while expecting nothing in return. If you are as blessed as I am, I encourage you to consider nominating those women for a FIERCE award next year. Let other people see what you already do. It truly is an event worth sharing with someone you love.

Until next year, I encourage you in your journey. Be strong. Be present. Be determined. Be amazing. Be FIERCE.

31 Day Summer Blog Challenge

Well, I took up the challenge with two of my fabulous friends,  Meaghan & Natasha. We are all going to write a new blog post everyday for the next 31 days, and hopefully, you’ll all join us for a good read.

I think it’s going to be good fun, but I’m not sure that I have 31 days worth of stuff to talk about. So, I’m going to cheat a bit. I’ve decided to do an alphabet challenge. Each day I’m going to write about a different “word” that follows along with the A, B, C’s. I’m fully aware that the alphabet only has 26 letters in it so the other days will become my “free” days where I’ll write about anything I want.  🙂

Now, I’m asking you to join me in this challenge.  Please reply with some of your favourite words for me to write about, especially x and z, as I really don’t know much about xylophones and zebras. Funny words, challenging words and crazy words are all welcome.

This counts as Day One. See you tomorrow!!