Tag Archives: road to skinny

Week 44. Not Reaching My Goal

I’ve had this secret goal in the back of my head ever since I started this journey. I didn’t tell anyone but it was there. At times I’ve thought about it, I’ve hoped that it would happen, and then it turned into a “well that was a stupid idea” anyways kinda thought, and now here we are. I’m 4 weeks from the time limit that I gave myself to achieve it and well, it not going to happen.

My goal was to lose 100 pounds in a year. Unfortunately, unless a squirrel shows up in the middle of the night and chews off chunks of me, it’s about to become a goal that was just a grand idea.

To say that I’m not seriously annoyed with myself right now would be an absolute lie. I should’ve tried harder, I should’ve just done what I was supposed to do all along. I should’ve ate, and slept, and drank water and put myself first. My list of should’ve, could’ve would’ves is actually pretty long and it’s quite shameful. Without question, I should have reached this goal, and I need to own that.

So I am.

What I’m also not doing, is staying hung up in my crap and nonsense. I can’t. I’ve wasted enough time doing a half decent job and pretending like it was good enough. My brain convinced me that I was working hard, and being strong, but what I was really doing was just hanging on.

Has it been the best year of my life, and the most focused than I’ve ever been in a really long time? Yes, it most certainly has. Was it good enough? Nope, not by a long shot. So, what now?

Well, I keep going and I keep fighting. I’m journalling, and keeping myself accountability. I’m blogging the good and the bad. I’m being real. I’m acknowledging that I want to keep going, that I’m not done and that I can and will finish what I started.

What I need from you, as my friends and family is to support me in my choices. What that means is that I don’t need you to suggest I switch diet plans. That you don’t point out how well other people are doing on their diets. Don’t tell me to eat more fat, or less carbs, or more meat or less or more of whatever. I’ve chosen the plan that I want to follow, and I will continue following it.

Frankly, without this plan and my coach, I would’ve given up a VERY, VERY long time ago. This plan has kept me functioning and basically going, when I couldn’t do that for myself. This plan doesn’t have a problem, April has had a problem. Plain and simple.

I think the thing that I need to remember for myself and to remind all of you of, is how bad of a state I was in physically when I began this program. I had just stopped bleeding out after 18 long months of torture, I had just finished my 2nd round of iron infusions and blood transfusions and I was suffering from malnutrition. I had to literally drag myself off the couch to even get to the clinic. I was dealing with chronic pain and could hardly even function. I had slammed into peri-menopause and it was trying to kill me. I wasn’t just a fat girl looking to lose weight, I was a girl who was looking for a new lease on life.

And now, I am none of those things. I still have Fibromyalgia, but it doesn’t control me anymore. I have bad pain days, but they’re just parts of days and not weeks. My blood panels actually show that I have vitamins and nutrients in my body. I don’t need to lay on the couch anymore just to recharge. I am 60 pounds lighter. I am not who I was a year ago. And Ideal Protein is what has helped me get to where I am and for that I will forever be thankful.

So, in spite of not achieving my goal, I achieved something much greater.

I am alive. And I am okay.

That is a success story that I can be proud of.

What did this week bring me:

~ I went to bed at or before midnight every night, except once. The first night was really hard as I was WIDE awake at 4 am, but now I’m managing to sleep for almost 7 hours/night. I feel much clearer. (Who knew only getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night wasn’t a good thing for someone trying to be healthy)?¬† ūüôā

~ I ate really well and EVERY time I was supposed to.

~ I actually listened to all of my alarms and did what they were telling me to, as opposed to my usual shutting them off and/or pretending like I didn’t hear them. LOL.

~ I lost 1.5 pounds. Slowly but surely right?

 

WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS JOURNEY? The best way to learn more about the Ideal Protein plan  is to register for a free information session. You can find out when the next sessions are on this page.  Anyone attending the info session will earn a voucher for 1/2 the registration fee should you choose to join the program. And if you mention that you learned about them by reading my blog, you will also earn a special welcome bonus. My coach is based out of Sherwood Park at the local Medicine Shoppe pharmacy and he and his team are INCREDIBLE.  You can reach out to the Coaching team here.

 

Weeks 42 and 43. What is that Beeping??

Well, as per usual, I’ve fallen behind in my storytelling and have let 2 more weeks slide right by. I’ve been super busy and haven’t found a whole lot of free moments to write, but if I’m being brutally honest, I just didn’t want to write. Not for any particular reason, or because things were falling apart, but because I just wasn’t feeling it.

What I have been feeling is a fair amount of disappointment. And annoyance. And frustration. And a whole lot of defeat.

It’s been almost 10 months, and it’s hard to not feel like I should be SO MUCH farther ahead in this journey than I am. I just keep bouncing up and down and all around a 60 lb loss. I can’t seem to move past it, and I slide away from it more times than I’d like to admit. But here I sit .. stuck.

I have friends on other plans that are losing weight like crazy. I see other people on the same plan as me and they’re doing way better. I see all the weightloss ads and commercials and question myself and my slow turtle like pace that I seem to be stuck at. I see all of these things and my brain tries to convince me that I suck. That I’m a failure and that I should just give up.

And that’s where the annoyance kicks in. Why do I still get in my own way? Why haven’t I figured out how to shut up my brain up yet? Why can’t I just say, Hokey Dinah, losing 60 lbs is a BIG thing? I’m so annoying and frustrating … to myself. I’m hoping that the “still very motivated and wanting to finish” side of my brain will take over the other “wussy, whiny and difficult” side much sooner than later so I can actually finish what I’ve started. I need my head to just be quiet.

On the flip-side though, in the midst of this frustration, I was able to get myself more focused and back on track. I think that because I’ve been plugging along for so long now that I was letting the little things slide. I ‘d become stuck in this holding pattern and assumed that I was still following the plan and doing what I needed to. Yeah, No, that really wasn’t the case anymore. I was still doing pretty good, but I’m hoping that it’s these tiny little things that have been slowing me down. And now that I’ve spotted them, I know what to do about them.

I’ve turned the alarms back on, pulled out my food journal and fired up the apps and it seems to be helping me. It’s giving me something else to focus on as opposed to the lack of faith in myself. It’s the little reminders to do all the things that I seem to forget. They’re the sounds that pull me out of my head and put me back on track.

      

Yes, I’ve got alarms to remind me to eat and to go to bed. My phone beeps to remind me to take my vitamins and meds. I’ve got a watch that’s constantly telling me to stand up and get moving. I’ve got a journal that I’m forcing myself to write in, I say forcing because I hate doing it, and because it shows me the bad choices that I’ve made for myself. I’ve got an encouraging husband and an incredible coach.

I need to remember to hold onto these things and these helpers because sometimes their strength is the only strength I have.

So, in spite of my weakness, I’m here and I’m feeling MUCH stronger than I did even a week ago. Don’t be alarmed by all the beeps and bells when I’m in the room with you and if you catch me online or texting after my bedtime, please tell me to go to bed. I need all of you to help me see this journey through to the end. I still can’t do this on my own, so please lend me some of your strength for a little while so I can keep running.

I look forward to seeing you all at the finish line.

What did these past 2 weeks show me?

  • That Peri-Menopause and Weight Loss aren’t the greatest of friends.
  • That I need to drink more water, even though I was CONVINCED that I was drinking a ridiculous amount already.
  • That I do SO much better when I do food prep, and only have to cook once/week. Cause, seriously cooking is the worst.
  • That I miss flip-flops and hate socks.
  • That even a loss of only half a pound is still a loss.

 

WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS JOURNEY? The best way to learn more about the Ideal Protein plan  is to register for a free information session. You can find out when the next sessions are on this page.  Anyone attending the info session will earn a voucher for 1/2 the registration fee should you choose to join the program. And if you mention that you learned about them by reading my blog, you will also earn a special welcome bonus. My coach is based out of Sherwood Park at the local Medicine Shoppe pharmacy and he and his team are INCREDIBLE.  You can reach out to the Coaching team here.

Week 29 and Reclaiming the Power in Numbers

Having been a fat person for my entire life, I’ve had the pleasure of discussing my weight with a number of people. Not necessarily sharing the actual number but listening to people guess my weight, hearing them guess the weight of other people, or having them tell me what they weigh. It’s almost always a very enlightening and interesting conversation.

It seems like weight, or the size of a person, or what a person looks like creeps into a conversation more often than people even realize. Think of when you’re out at a restaurant and a larger person walks in, do you notice, do you comment, do you make snide remarks when you see a dessert being carried to their table? Or when the smallest person at the table makes a comment about how fat they look or feel that day, and everyone else speaks up and says, No you’re not. Or when you talk about your diet, and how you need to lose 20 lbs or you wish you could go back to the size you were before you had kids. These thoughts, and conversations are always happening. Usually not in a malicious way, but they are happening.

It’s these conversations that bring that horrible number to mind. Hearing people comment on weight or what someone weighs and knowing that they aren’t even remotely close drives me crazy. How do I know that? Because in all these years, and all these moments, no one has ever come close to guessing what I weigh. I’ve always wondered if they were just trying to be polite, so they said a lower number, so today I put that theory to the test.

I shared my before picture with my Facebook friends and family and asked the question, What do you think I weigh in this picture? The results have been very enlightening.

There was a spread of over 145 lbs in all the guesses. They ranged from 210 pounds to 355 pounds, which, thankfully, has proved the point that I was hoping to make.

THE NUMBER DOESN’T MEAN DIDDLY SQUAT.

It is almost impossible for a person to look at you and actually know what you weigh, yet we get so caught up in that number that it can consume us. It becomes this literal weight that holds us down or limits us from believing we can ever change. It becomes this thing that we hate or a measurement that determines our worth on a day-to-day basis.

For example, look at this picture. All of these ladies weigh the exact same, and yet none of them are shaped like another one. And in fact, we would probably guess all of theirs weights at something different just by looking at them.

   Image Source

We cannot get so caught up in what the scale is yelling at us as it’s nothing more than a number. We have to stop worrying what people think or see when they look at us because their eyes see what they want to anyways. We need to look at our friends and family and see them as our loved ones and not as a shape. We need to not assume that we know what’s going on inside someone’s body or head or heart based on what they look like. We need to read this and recognize that we have no idea sometimes, and then just leave it at that.

And as for me, well, no one guessed my weight correctly. So here it is friends … how far off were you??

As I look at these numbers, I can say with certainty that I will keep working on losing weight and getting myself to a lower number on the scale. But what I won’t be doing is letting that stupid number tell me or anyone else that I’m not good enough, that I have to be something better, or that I am not worthy.

Instead, I will focus on being healthy and happy and no longer worry about how much space I take up in the world. I will look at the number on the scale and use it as a measurement to keep myself on track and not allow it to be anything more that that. I own that number now, it no longer owns me.

I may still have a number attached to me, but don’t you dare use that number to try and sum me up. Guaranteed my value is at least triple what the scale is saying. Never forget that.

What did this week bring me?

  • The entrance into the 200’s, a number range that I haven’t visited in a long time.
  • A fabulous weekend of fun with my husband celebrating our 24th Wedding Anniversary
  • The realization and acceptance that I do, in fact, need to go buy pants.

 

WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS JOURNEY? The best way to learn more about the Ideal Protein plan  is to register for a free information session.  They will be held every Wednesday at 630 pm during November at The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park.  Anyone attending the info session will earn a voucher for 1/2 the registration fee should you choose to join the program. And if you mention that you learned about them by reading my blog, you will also earn a special welcome bonus. You can reach out to the Coach here.

Week 27 – The Week of Results with Pictures. Gah.

Well … I’m about half way through my year long journey and figured that it was time to share some pics and stats. I’m not overly thrilled about sharing because well, I’m not a fan of pictures of myself, but it’s time.

We’ll start with Weightloss, Measurements and some other numbers.

I HAVE LOST:

54lbs

5.75″ off my chest

2.75″ off my bicep

7″ off my waist

5.25″ off my hips

3.75″ off my thigh

BMI is down 5.8 points

Body Fat is down 6.59%

Blood Pressure went from 153/72 to 125/72

I have completely come off of Iron supplementation and daily pain medicine. I can walk up and down my stairs without getting winded. I can kinda/sorta paint my own toenails, if I wanted to but that’s what salons are for. I can’t wear pants without a belt, but I haven’t bought a belt yet, so I spend a lot of time hiking my pants back up when I walk. I can see my feet.

And now for pics … at first I didn’t see too much of a difference, and then I realized that I could see more of the white cabinet behind me, so I’m calling that a win.

There you go, half way in and a long way from the finish line, but I’m still going and that’s better than I usually do.¬† ūüôā Woot, Woot.

Thanks for following my journey and encouraging me along the way … this is ridiculously hard to do, and you’ve all helped me in some way or another. High-Five Friends. xoxoxo

 

If you’re considering joining me on this journey, the next info session will be held on October 11th. Yes, I will be there sharing again. Woot. Woot. If you have any questions, it’s the perfect time to come check it out. Sign up HERE.